One of the classic films of the 1970s, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, adapted Roald Dahl's children's book into a colorful movie which was brought to life by Gene Wilder's performance as Willy Wonka. The film was notable for taking so many liberties with the book--it very much created its own story in the adaptation. In my adaptation of the film into a one-shot, I also needed to be creative in making it fit the new medium.
One problem comes from the structure of the one-shot--for the players to survive Wonka's tests, they can't already know how to solve the puzzle (which is usually just not being a jerk). For instance, a player who has seen the movie knows not to drink from the chocolate river, and so there is no real challenge in presenting a test on the river. So rather than reliving the exact events of this film, the one-shot retells the story in a new way--very much like the film did with the book. I hope you enjoy it.
Rules:
Players must have a name. Nothing else is required of them, though they may develop as much backstory and personality as they choose.
There are no mechanics in this game. Players' actions will be judged relative the tests to stay in the chocolate factory, and explanations will be offered below in the script.
Script:
[narration in italics]
Word spread fast around the world concerning the golden tickets. Reclusive candy magnate Willy Wonka has sent out [the number of players in your game] golden tickets in his candy, and the winners are to receive a tour of the chocolate factory, which no one alive but Wonka has seen the inside of. The day before you departed for the factory, you each received a letter. It read:
"Dear ticket recipient,
You have won a golden ticket. It is important that you know that this puts you in a position of great potential profit. If you can obtain for me one of the new Wonka Celebration Bars, I will pay you greatly. Simply bring one Celebration Bar out of the factory and give it to me, and you will be wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.
Cordially,
Arthur Slugsworth"
You arrive at the gates of the factory and wait. An hour passes before a hunched man in a fancy purple suit and matching top hat emerges from the factory and makes his way over slowly, hobbling as he goes. He trips, falls into an acrobatic roll, and sticks a landing just at the gate, which he unlocks with a flourish.
"Welcome, ticket winners," he says. "You've won the right to enter my factory. I'm delighted to meet all of you. Overjoyed, in fact. Enraptured. Entranced. Please tell me your names."
[Allow all of the players to introduce themselves. No matter what they say, Wonka responds cheerfully.]
"Alright then," says Wonka. "Just for legal purposes, sign this waiver," he says, waving a roll of parchment that is several feet long and covered in fine print. "All boilerplate stuff, just sign."
[If anyone is resistant to signing, Wonka refuses to let them into the factory until they do sign. Once everyone has signed:]
"It's time to climb the exhibit and see the stairs. Wait. Strike that; reverse it. Follow me."
Wonka leads you into a large white room that is filled with conveyor belts and bright lights.
"This is where we make caramel, but we have to make enough for every Wonka Caramelicious Drop, so it's quite a large operation."
The conveyor belts speed along, carrying a river of caramel to a machine that turns it into tiny drops, which are then coated in chocolate by another machine, and then a candy glaze by yet another machine. There are dozens of glowing buttons on each machine.
"Now, these machines are carefully calibrated," says Wonka. "Even one wrong button push could be the end of Caramelicious Drops for weeks! So please, don't push any of the buttons, even though it would feel very, very good to push them. So much better even than a normal button. Our engineers made them that way. Now please, look around."
Wonka turns his back and begins strolling around the room, humming to himself. He seems to be in another world.
[Allow the players to investigate the room. The machines make a sort of strange musical sequence as they grind, beep, and clank. There is only one door in the room--the one you came in through. It smells like caramel, chocolate, and a touch of motor oil.]
[Give the players a few minutes. If anyone touches any of the buttons:}
A loud siren goes off, and all the conveyor belts screech to a halt. Wonka turns and looks severely at you.
"My buttons!" he cries. "Oh no, now you're going to have to go to the button factory. You see, each button is single use. You've ruined (a) button(s) and now (it/they) must be replaced. I'm terribly sorry. Good day."
Small orange people with green hair and white overalls emerge from hidden doors in the wall.
"Hello, oompa loompas," says Wonka drearily. "Take them away."
The oompa loompas begin to do strange dances and sing:
"Oompa loompa doopah dee doo
We've got another puzzle for you
What happens when you have buttons to press?
Everything can end up quite a mess
I would suggest that you always refrain
Things that others think are insane
Oompa loompa doopah dee dah
Don't push the buttons, that is a flaw"
And the oompa loompas grab you and carry you away.
[Please explain to the player that they should continue to goof around with the group even though their character is eliminated. They will have another part to play at the end of the one-shot. If anyone asks about the oompa loompas, have Wonka shrug them off--"All questions must be submitted in writing" and all paper and ink are banned in the factory or something like that.]
[If no one touches any of the buttons:]
Small orange people with green hair and white overalls emerge from hidden doors in the wall.
"Hello, oompa loompas," says Wonka cheerfully. "I'm most glad that my buttons are still intact. Why don't you tell them about why that's a good thing."
The oompa loompas begin to do strange dances and sing:
""Oompa loompa doopah dee doo
That was a puzzle that you went through
Don't touch a thing that is off the limits
Disobedience is really the pits
We are so glad that you kept it in check
That kind of thing can really save your neck
Oompa loompa doopah dee dah
Our song is done, and now we will withdraw"
The oompa loompas all stream out the door.
If anyone asks about the oompa loompas, have Wonka shrug them off--"All questions must be submitted in writing" and all paper and ink are banned in the factory or something like that.]
[Whichever way your players chose to go in the button room:]
Wonka smiles. "Ain't life grand?" he says. "C'mon, let's go to the next room."
Wonka leads you back out the door you came in and into a completely different hallway with a door at the end. He pushes it open and ushers you in.
Inside is a massive machine with mechanical arms which seem to be stretching a lump grey goop.
"Our taffy puller," says Wonka. "We have our factory pulls our taffy five times more than traditional taffy. That's what gives it that 'chew it forever' charm. Take a look around, but I beg you--please don't add any colors to the taffy. We're experimenting on the marketability of it in construction. Of course, all you would have to do is flip one or more of those colored switches over there, and that goo would be as colorful as a sailor's language."
[Allow the players to explore the room. It's a bland grey room with the large, piston-like arms that continually knead the taffy. The lighting is low, and there's a large black and blank screen on the wall. Along the wall near the puller is a range of bright and beautiful colors with large switches underneath them.]
[If anyone pulls a switch:]
A loud siren goes off, and all the taffy is instantly colored [the color or colors they chose]. Wonka turns and looks severely at you.
"My bland, colorless taffy!" he cries. "Oh no, now you're going to have to go to the color remover to fix this. You've made this taffy useless, I'm afraid. I'm terribly sorry. Good day."
Oompa loompas emerge from rope ladders from the ceiling.
"Hello, oompa loompas," says Wonka drearily. "Take them away."
The oompa loompas begin to do strange dances and sing:
"Oompa loompa doopah dee doo
We've got another puzzle for you
Life is just sad when you're feeling so gray
Everything feels coated in dismay
Trying to spice up your life might seem great
But what of the colors which seem like some bait?
Oompa loompa doopah dee ding
Liking colors is a bad thing"
And the oompa loompas grab you and carry you away.
[If none of the players flip a switch:]
A few minutes pass. The churning of the machine is hypnotic in a way, its many arms thrumming in a carefully orchestrated pattern. Wonka turns as a handful of oompa loompas enter the room and begin to dance and sing:
"Oompa loompa doopah dee doo
We've got another puzzle for you
You realize that life should not have hue
You are a sage with much more than a clue
Never make things better with more tint
That is one of life's greatest hints
Oompa loompa doopah dee ding
Instead of pretty, it is nothing"
"Very well," he says. "I thank you for preserving my colorless taffy. Perhaps you will find our next stop more interesting, however. Just this way."
[Whichever way your players handle the taffy room:]
Wonka leads you through a door behind the puller and onto a cart which has been shaped to look like a massive candy bar. You sit and ride through a strange series of tunnels with massive candy canes rising out of the ground. Finally, you arrive at another door, this one so tiny that not even a child could fit through it.
"Here we are," says Wonka. "It's a tight fit, but you'll all make it."
He steps through the door, and you follow. When you emerge into the room and turn around, the door is three times taller than you. Inside the room are a number of large pens, and kittens and puppies are playing inside them. The room doesn't smell like there are dozens of animals here, but rather, like sugar.
"This is where we're working on our most top secret project ever. You see all these puppies and kittens? Each one has been specially breed to be not only hypoallergenic, but also quite more. Watch," he says, putting on a thin glove.
He reaches down and pets a kitten a few times. It mewls softly. A handful of hairs come off in his hand. He takes the hairs and puts a few in his mouth.
"Toffee-flavored, the orange tabbies are. That black cat there is dark chocolate. And that schnauzer over there is coffee creme. An endlessly-replicating treat that loves you. It's going to revolutionize things, I tell you. So please, look around, but don't pet them."
Wonka turns and goes to investigate a panel on the wall.
[Allow the players to investigate the room. There are four pens for the animals--two each for kittens and puppies. In each pen are about ten animals. There is ample food and water for the animals and no waste anywhere. Several of the animals are softly whimpering for attention towards the players.]
[If any of the players pets the animals, don't do anything--wait a moment and see if more do so. Then:]
A loud siren goes off, and all the animals freeze and cower on the ground. Wonka turns and looks severely at you.
"My candy animals!" he cries. "Oh no, now they're contaminated. There's nothing that can be done now. (It/they) will have to be incinerated. I'm terribly sorry. Good day."
Oompa loompas emerge from a manhole in the center of the room.
"Hello, oompa loompas," says Wonka drearily. "Take them away."
The oompa loompas begin to do strange dances and sing:
"Oompa loompa doopah dee doo
We've got another puzzle for you
Tiny animals can be terribly cute
But now that you've touched them, their lives will be moot
Didn't you see that this would be their doom?
Now it will never grow into full bloom
Oompa loompa doopah dee dup
Now that poor thing will never grow up"
And the oompa loompas grab you and carry you away.
[If none of the players touch an animal:]
A few minutes pass. The animals continue to wrestle and cuddle, meowing and barking occasionally. Wonka turns as a handful of oompa loompas enter the room and begin to dance and sing:
"Oompa loompa doopah dee doo
We've got another puzzle for you
You didn't touch the precious little ones
No love for your little daughters and sons
Keep your heart free of good tender love
You don't know what your life is free of
Oompa loompa doopah dee dup
Say goodbye to these kittens and pups"
Wonka taps his cane on the floor with a loud click. "Thank you for leaving my animals alone. They must grow up to be strong, or else they'll never make it to market. Please, come this way."
[Whichever way your players handle the candy animal room:]
"This way to our final stop," says Wonka. "Just up these stairs over here, and we'll be there in no time."
Wonka leads the way up a spiraling staircase with stone brick walls, like an old tower. After what seems like a few flights, he pushes a part of the wall, which opens as a door. Inside is a large room decorated as though for a party.
"Here we are," says Wonka. "The project you're all waiting for. We've been working on this all year, and it's finally almost ready. The Celebration Bar."
He gestures to the tables set up across the room. At each table is a cake, a selection of wafers, and a chocolate fountain. Oompa loompas file in and begin to cut the cakes into long slices the size of the wafers. They layer the cake on the wafers and cover them in chocolate before stacking the finished Celebration Bars on a clean plate.
"They're going to make a big splash when we introduce them next month. I hope that they will end up being the way that people celebrate any kind of occasion. And there's one more thing," says Wonka. "We've derived a neurotransmitter-producing compound which actually makes the eater happier. You may each take one to try, but please--don't let it leave the factory."
Wonka turns and carefully inspects what is happening at one of the tables, speaking quietly with the oompa loompas there.
[Allow your players to investigate the room. It is a room with brick walls, about two dozen tables identically outfitted with supplies, and about 80 oompa loompas working away. A table near you has a few dozen finished Celebration Bars. Allow a bit for the players to act. If anyone takes a Celebration Bar, don't have Wonka react.]
"Alright, everyone, the tour is over, and it's time to go. Please follow me this way," says Wonka.
He leads everyone to a firepole at the edge of the room and slides down, whistling as he goes. You follow and emerge back at the entrance of the chocolate factory.
[If anyone still has a Celebration Bar with them:]
A siren goes off as your feet hit the ground. Wonka turns are stares daggers at you.
"Oompa loompas! You are needed!" he cries.
A stream of oompa loompas comes down the firepole. The begin to dance strangely and sing:
"Oompa loompa doopah dee doo
We've got another puzzle for you
Back-rooms deals can make you so much cash
Ends up alright until you will just crash
You tried to cheat Mr. Wonka just now
Even though you entered a solemn vow
Oompa loompa doopah dee dice
Now you must pay the ultimate price"
And the oompa loompas grab you and carry you away.
[If no one tried to bring out a Celebration Bar:]
If none of the players touch an animal:]
You look around at the entrance. Wonka clicks his tongue. "No Celebration Bars, huh? Good work, everyone."
A handful of oompa loompas enter the room via the firepole and begin to dance and sing:
"Oompa loompa doopah dee doo
We've got another puzzle for you
You didn't steal when you could have got rich
Money will scratch that most terrible itch
You could have left with a ticket for wealth
But you decided against using stealth
Oompa loompa doopah dee dice
You'll learn the reward for being nice"
The oompa loompas finish their song and disperse.
"Just one thing left to do," says Wonka. "I need to debrief with everyone the oompa loompas took away, and then I'll talk about what you will get as a reward for your behavior in the factory today." Wonka walks away.
[If any of the players were taken by the oompa loompas:]
The oompa loompas brought you to this well-furnished and comfortable lounge where you've been waiting. Wonka strides in, his cane clacking as he goes.
"You," he says. "You disobeyed a very simple instruction. You flouted the spirit of everything I have asked of you today. And that's why I am very pleased to tell you that I've chosen you to run my candy factory. You see, in order to succeed in business, you have to be dishonest, cutthroat, and difficult to work with. You've proven yourself to be these things. And so I'm pleased to confer control of Wonka Enterprises to you. Congratulations. Now just give me one moment to speak with the other contestants, and then we'll talk business." He steps out of the room.
[If any of the players did not get taken by oompa loompas the whole time:]
Wonka returns to you. "I have just one last thing for you. Just step through this door to the decontaminator. You've almost certainly picked up certain chemicals in the air that you don't want hanging around." He pushed a door open and allows you inside.
It's a cramped room with air vents on the top and a thick glass window looking into a room with a computer terminal. Wonka slams the door behind you and immediately emerges by the screen.
"You've done an absolutely wonderful job of following my instructions today. Unfortunately, though, businesses are not run by people who follow along. No, those people are good for something else entirely."
He pushes a few buttons. A gas begins to seep down from the vents. It stings as it fills your lungs. You can feel your skin burning. You look down. Your skin is orange. A swoop of green hair dangles in front of your face.
"If you can follow orders, you can make candy. Welcome to the factory, my newest oompa loompa(s)."
THE END
There you have it--a game version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory that subverts a lot of what happens in the movie. I hope that you and your players enjoy it, and please share your experiences with it in the comments. Thanks as always for reading.
That's all for now. Coming soon: a guide for recreating other genres in D&D, how to handle shopping trips in-game, and a profile on the island nation of Fanin in my homebrew setting. Until next time, happy gaming!
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