Daltoners
Daltoners expect communication to be leisurely and take a long time; moving through an interaction quickly is considered a sign of disrespect, as the Daltoner will take one's speed as a distaste for talking to them. Great verbal respect is conferred upon elders and people of respected professions--however, this respect is only in form, and it is entirely acceptable to say very rude things as long as one smiles and says it in a polite way. This is something of an art form for experienced Daltoner communicators, who can get away with outright rudeness with a careful choice of words. Daltoners are particular fans of condescending questions or questions they already know the answer to; these are meant to guide or manipulate (depending on your perspective) the other person into a position of inferiority. Holding power over the person you are speaking with is an important art in Daltoner communication.
For Daltoners, rudeness and politeness are very simple matters that are defined by explicit word choice and distinct body language, not by the meaning of what is spoken. Formal address like "sir" and "ma'am" signify politeness, as do inquiring at length after the other person's wellbeing and that of their family and business. To directly address someone, particular older than the speaker, without formal address is to impugn their position in society. Insofar as body language, drawing close to the other person is considered polite, as it suggests the person is drawing them in; on the other hand, standing far away or looking at someone else while speaking are considered rude, as it suggests the person is not worth your attention.
If someone is to break these rules and communicate in a way that is deemed rude, Daltoners tend to not shun the person, but instead subject them to condescension and ridicule. This tends to be a concentrated group effort, and Daltoners will spread gossip about a person's lack of social grace, and others will follow suit. This is not to say that a reputation as socially graceless is without more concrete consequences; job opportunities, potential romantic partners, and friendships will all be harder to grasp when one is counted out by Daltoner society. Social pressure will also be placed on friends and family of those with communication issues, trying to urge people to educate the person in question on sociality. It is worth noting that Daltoner society believes that all people inherently grasp social rules, so departure from those rules is seen as willful protest against the social order.
Faninites
Faninites expect communication to be considerate and show understanding of the person they are speaking to. Someone who is able and willing to show this kind of consideration (speaking about favorite topics, being mindful of one's fears and shortcomings, following up on previous conversations) is considered to be a good communicator and a decent person. Unlike the Daltoners, both the style and content of one's conversation matter a great deal in terms of being understood; Faninites are as a rule courteous, so a courteous tone with irritated content would indicate that someone is upset and trying to control themselves, while an outright upset tone with upset content would mean that a real emergency is taking place. Also notable are Faninite jokes, which tend to be very whimsical and silly; outsiders perceive this as strangeness or even delusion, when it is in fact an effort to cheer up the other person in the conversation.
For Faninites, who tend to look on the bright side of things, more effort is made to see positive, courteous efforts from people than to perceive social slights. Faninites will judge statements made that include them with the speaker as very polite, as it indicates identification with one another; Faninites are also moved by apparent friendliness, which they take as an offer of kindness. Rudeness for Faninites is reserved for truly upsetting conversation, such as someone denigrating Faninite beliefs and culture, insulting one's family, or describing nature as something to be plundered; all of these things are genuinely upsetting to Faninites, who will directly state their disagreement and excuse themselves. A Faninite excusing themselves from a conversation is a sign that they are well and truly offended.
And yet, Faninites are not strict keepers of these social expectations--to transgress an unspoken rule means that one's intention is considered. If it seems that a violation of a social norm is unintentional or has no terrible effect on the world, Faninites tend to forgive the mistake and move on. If someone seems clearly malicious or is instigating harmful actions, they are judged as incompatible with the Faninite way of life. There is not a complete shunning--Faninites still regard these people as part of the community--but strictly social interactions will be more limited. Generally speaking, Faninites do not face these issues with other Faninites, but experiences like these are common with communication with other groups.
Dwarves
Dwarves expect communication to reflect dwarven values, principally through an effort to portray oneself as a person who lives by dwarven tradition. On a surface level, this means that many dwarven conversations are a sort of one-upping game in which the participants are engaging in a competition to see who is the more traditional dwarf. With non-dwarves, a dwarf may try to assert their status as an elevated dwarf, but with an added air of superiority, as the dwarf knows it's unlikely that a non-dwarf will out-dwarf them. Common ways of displaying this cultural identity include speaking often and fervently of Moradin and his good deeds, referencing dwarven heroes and ancestors of renown, and describing successes in business and politics that one is aligned with. Attempting to speak in a way that honors tradition and failing to impress another dwarf is a deeply shameful experience.
Dwarves are quick to write off someone they are speaking to, in large part because status to them is almost entirely about alignment with dwarven values and traditions. But dwarves do know this, and they often apply a gentler judgment to a lack of dwarven knowledge to non-dwarves. For a dwarf speaking to a non-dwarf means a heightened emphasis on personal values; dwarves speaking to non-dwarves will look for industriousness, deference to authority, and strong patriarchal values as important things to identify with in others. This largely means that dwarves can get along best with Daltoners, but Daltoners want no part of interacting with non-Daltoners, so these interactions tend to go nowhere; other groups lack these values, so dwarves tend not to get along well with them; as a result, dwarves are very socially isolated.
Among dwarves, the consequences of not following these social rules is steep but not damning; dwarves who lack an solid grasp of social rules are deemed part of a social class called retung, or "those who do not speak with tradition." Members of the retung class are largely vulnerable people--those with disabilities, mental illness, or those raised outside of dwarven society--whose social stigma means that they can really only interact with one another. This had led to increasing solidarity among the dwarves' more vulnerable people, including the spreading of a rudimentary dwarven sign language for use with the deaf and a simplified pidgin of dwarven and common that even mentally disabled dwarves can use. This pidgin, called retung doranit, or "the mongrel language of those who do not speak with tradition," has spread beyond dwarven lands and lacks many of the restrictive social rules of normal dwarven communication.
Orcs
Orcs tend to speak very directly, to the point that some other cultures find orcish communication blunt and even rude. However, the intention behind this directness is to get to the point of speaking quickly, which is an effort to save the precious time of the other speaker. Orcs also tend to tell stories to illustrate points, often using classic orcish folktales and mythology, with direct references to the stories when speaking with orcs and the details removed when speaking to non-orcs as a way to not make them feel like an outsider for not catching the reference. In conversation, orcs show concern for one another by asking after one's wellbeing with a series of specific questions meant to really understand where the other person is coming from, which is sometimes seen as invasive by other cultures.
Orcs find it polite to remain still while speaking--conversations while traveling are seen as a way of completing two tasks at the same time, which does not grant the other person the attention they deserve; similarly, other tasks like working are silent except for singing and chanting, and actual conversation always dictates an end to whatever task one was completing. Benches are common in orcish settlements with the express purpose of facilitating conversation. Orcs find it rude to raise one's voice, even in positive excitement--a steady and even tone shows that the speaker is calm and ready to hear the other person on their own terms.
There are very few consequences when orcs or others break the unspoken communication rules of the orcs. Offenders are not shunned or written off or recategorized; rather, they are deemed to have communication rules of their own which others may not understand, so the situation is mutual, and there is no need to punish anyone. The only real cases in which an orc may be punished for communication is if they spread information that endangers orcs, in which case the person in question is deemed an enemy. But beyond this severe case, nothing truly results in social consequences; even criticizing a curtran, the highest member of the orcish social order, carries no serious consequence.
Elves
Elves tend to speak at length, both in terms of detailed depth and broad scope. A conversation with an elves means that any idea related to the matter at hand will be at least mentioned, if not explored. Cutting this process short is not precisely considered rude so much as unwise. Elves generally live for about a thousand years, so rushing into things is a risk they don't have to take. This of course strikes other groups differently, who have less time to dig into every detail for every decision. In terms of courtesy, it is expected that an elf treat any interaction save that with a distant social inferior as though the other person is greatly important and dignified; this is very much performed so that the gesture will be returned.
In elven communication expectations, politeness is really defined by what is said rather than how it is said. It is generally accepted in elven culture that everyone's communication style is unique to them, and learning to converse with someone else's personality and tastes in mind is considered the highest courtesy one can provide. This is not to say this is true in every elven conversation; this is treatment reserved for family, close friends, and trusted allies. On the other hand, it is considered rude in elven culture to be very close with someone and not be mindful of their unique communication style--to know and not act shows deliberate cruelty. As a result, elven relationships tend to be divided into those with individual communication styles tailored to the other person, and those that are not worth the effort. These are major gestures, but elves also have hundreds of smaller expectations that are less individually meaningful.
In terms of consequences for acting outside of elven expectations, there tends to be variation by the individual. Because society generally agrees that it is best when people treat each other with consideration in communication, not doing so when expected carries social shame, the kind that is gossiped about. To avoid this shame, some elves simply undertake very few serious relationships to reduce the risk that they attract this shame. There is shunning if the problem is upsetting in nature, though this is only applied at the individual level and is rarely complete. Other social infractions such as those minded at dinner parties are fodder for gossip (a popular elven pasttime), but no serious consequences occur for those type of actions.
Half-Elves
Half-elves tend to have a very relaxed approach to communication. It's vital that the correct point come across, but arriving at it is up to the discretion of the speaker. Half-elves meet others in conversation on the other person's terms, and in conversations between half-elves, there is a meeting in the middle ground between them. Half-elven communication also values creativity of expression, so oftentimes half-elves can be found using interesting turns of phrase and poetic language. But since accuracy of communication is so important, this figurativeness is paired by gentle directness to ensure they are understood. This often looks like a half-elf providing an attractive gesture in the direction of their point, then softly driving that point home, which has proven to be highly effective in diplomatic situations.
For half-elves, politeness is demonstrated by getting close to the person speaking, and some half-elven conversations take place only inches apart. Because of this, speaking softly is also considered polite, and speaking at full volume while close to someone is held as very rude. It is rude to half-elves to do something while speaking, though walking is an exception; half-elves believe that someone deserves full attention during conversation, as do they, and not offering it comes off as inconsiderate. It is also considered rude to ask personal questions to someone before establishing a trusting relationship with someone, and a very personal question on first meeting is considered immature as well as rude.
There aren't retributive consequences for social rule breaking for half-elves--as stated above, half-elves meet others on their terms, so there are no real expectations for social interaction. One effect that can occur with people who are routinely inconsiderate is being acquaintance-level friends with people rather than forging meaningful connections. But even then, some persistently friendly half-elves will strive to forge bonds with this type of person, hoping to provide them with the warmth of positive interaction. This is the general perception of communication in half-elven culture--positive interaction is a simple pleasure which should be enjoyed by all.
Gnomes
Gnomes, in pursuit of life by the Code of Right and Good Action, believe that total wellbeing is something every living being is entitled to (their governmental and societal construction reflects that), and a fulfilling social life is a part of that wellbeing. Therefore, their approach to communication is designed rather than organic like other societies, and it approaches every interaction with an attempt to maximize the enjoyment of all parties involved. As a result, gnomish communication favors a highly considerate that creates a feeling of respect and trust; this is complicated by the fact that gnomish pursuits tend to be solitary ones, and fewer gnomes socialize as much as they know they should for their wellbeing. Because of the lack of practice, most gnomes aim for genuinely considerate communication, but many fall short and come off as peculiar or awkward, sometimes even to other gnomes. But it is worth noting that despite awkwardness, there is almost never any true discourtesy from gnomes.
To be polite amongst gnomes, one must look no further than the acronym L.A.S.T. The first step is Listen--gnomes value active listening with questions to show attention and interest. The second step is Acknowledge--gnomes want validation about their perspective and feelings, and being acknowledged accomplishes that. The third step is Support--what emotional support or practical solution would ease or resolve any issues should be lent, even if that is simply being friendly. And the final step is Thank--gnomes find it pleasant to be thanked for sharing, confiding, trusting, and making time to speak with someone, and offers of thanks for social gestures is common among gnomes. Rudeness is generally considered to be serious deviation from L.A.S.T.
There are, by design, no consequences for not adhering to social guides like L.A.S.T. People who do not abide by it may be considered unpleasant, but that does not change the Code, and gnomes will persist in friendliness until the point of hostility (this is taken as odd or threatening by some other groups). It is worth noting on this matter, though, that a great deal of public life in Vestry, the gnomish capital, consists of being a part of different social and professional associations, and these associations have a say in membership; unkind gnomes have been known to be denied entrance to organizations for not adhering to the Code. However, any move that would meaningfully restrict someone's access to a social life would be controversial among many traditionalist gnomes.
Halflings
Halflings are a generally social people; they resist organization and hierarchy but often band together to accomplish things as whole communities and sometimes as a whole city. Therefore, being able to negotiate with others without any invocation of power or status is highly important to halflings, which is part of what has made Curagon a historic source of diplomats. The ability to appeal to others is in particular valuable to halflings, who need to see others' perspectives to convince them to cooperate. Therefore, it is an expectation among halflings that speakers take into account as much about each other as possible before speaking. As a result, it is considered a fairly grave insult to be spoken to without understanding of one's situation.
Politeness, meaning going above and beyond the expectation of understanding, requires a trade. Halflings operated off the barter system until after universal currency was introduced, and a remnant of that culture that remains is that halflings will offer trades, sometimes which basically amounts to giving something to someone given how unmatched the trade is. This is considered a point of preserving pride (it is technically a trade accepted by both parties) while still providing something that means something to the other person. Between halflings, this is a very personal and also intimate gesture; when halflings bestow this gesture on those from other groups, they are often frustrated by how little the gesture is understood and appreciated. The ultimate rudeness for halflings is to be known to be struggling and be left alone.
The consequences of failing at halfling social conventions generally means that one will not have the help or support of the halflings they encounter. Halflings generally disdain gossip and try (often successfully) not to hold grudges, so there is no retribution in any form for disappointing social behavior. This ends up meaning that halflings who can't relate to others have to confine themselves to goals they can accomplish alone beyond their basic needs, which the community would attend to if an asocial person were struggling. That is the flip side of the equation: halflings would never allow a neighbor to go without a home or food, even if they may struggle to see why they should sacrifice hours of their time to help expand an already adequate house if the asker is inconsiderate.
There you have it--a guide to communication styles, expectations, and more for each group in my homebrew setting. I have to say--this is one of the more abstract guides I've written, but it will also prove to be one of the most useful, I think. In the past, when I've had an NPC enter a scene, I would play part of their personality in reference to how I thought of their culture. So Daltoners were mean and aggressive, Faninites were calm and friendly, dwarves were formal and practical, orcs were staid and formidable, elves were distant and superior, half-elves were amenable and mysterious, gnomes were goofy and nerdy, and halflings were honestly not defined by much aside from a good attitude. That's not to say every character was one of these--some were opposites of the stereotype or tweaks or, you know, NPCs who actually had to accomplish something and had a planned personality. But now, the game is different. I have a whole host of information on how to communicate as each group, and in a far more realistic and complex way than I have been. I've been DMing in Evanoch for 16 years at this point, and I feel like putting work into understanding the world better keeps paying off even after all this time. As always reader, develop your homebrew setting however you feel called to--it will only help you to bring it more to life.
That's all for now. Coming soon: how D&D ended up on my Master's thesis, the core values of each group in my homebrew setting and how they pursue them, and the flags of each major city in my homebrew setting. Until next time, happy gaming!
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