Daltoners
For Daltoners, marriage is more of a business arrangement than anything, with economic providers (men) selecting partners for breeding (women). Courtship, as a result, is fairly limited. Generally, eligible partners are introduced at public events such as balls, meet a few times to discuss details such as the man's expected financial prospects or the woman's designs as a mother, and then marry, with the whole process taking only a few months at most. Marriage is proposed with an expensive ring to show one's financial wellbeing. The marriage ceremony itself is supposed to be grand and impressive, a display of the wealth of the wedded. Women wear white gowns, men wear black suits, there is a colossal cake, and people get astoundingly drunk. The wedding is meant to be a once-in-a-lifetime party for the betrothed. The betrothed vow to always support the family name.
Expectations in marriage for Daltoners consist of service, mostly. Male Daltoners provide for the family; female Daltoners care for the home. Because romance is not considered an important element of marriage, there are truly no expectations beyond upholding one's familial duty. It is true that wives are expected to listen when husbands speak more than the other way around, and it is also true that Daltoner husbands make choices in the realm of the home and family that wives are merely meant to enforce; but these things can be excused if imperfect so long as the familial role is being filled. Divorce is allowed in the singular case that a bride is found to be infertile.
Faninites
Faninite romance is more a matter of intense, dependable friendship than pure romance as others focus on, and so marriage is about compatibility and trust. Courtship for Faninites is a long process that can take years before someone is willing to take a dive on a romantic connection. Once a romantic endeavor is embarked on, romantic gestures are traded for months with elaborate and creative dates planned. The act of proposing is highly prized--for some, more important than the wedding itself--and big surprises are common. The average Faninite wedding is a small and intimate affair with only close friends and family, in which the betrothed wear outfits of each other's favorite colors and swear to always be true, kind, and understanding.
In Faninite marriage, both partners have equal expectations: to be honest and trustworthy, to treat each other with kindness and respect, to act always in the interest of both together, and to never forget each other's individuality. These vows are not just momentary utterances for a special occasion, but vows which are repeated often throughout one's daily life to remind oneself of how to be the best spouse possible. This mindfulness about marriage has resulted in the broad observation that Faninite marriages are the happiest, something the Faninites happily ascribe to these vows. Divorce is universally allowed but practically never resorted to.
Dwarves
Dwarven romance is based on loyalty. For a dwarf, there is no greater comfort than knowing those around you have your best interest in mind. For dwarves, courtship looks like a series of sharing private information when a partner has reached that level of trust, often personal details that are not discussed in the dwarves' repressive society. When dwarves have concluded that their partner is trustworthy and loyal, a proposal is made via an incomplete marriage contract. A dwarven wedding is a very stiff affair, with dozens of social rules about who can talk to who and when, and it is generally agreed that allowing a non-dwarf at a dwarven wedding is a catastrophe. The betrothed vow to always serve one another and one another's clans.
Dwarven marriage places great importance on sacrifice and service. If it is identified by a married dwarf that their spouse dislikes something, they will take on any task involving that thing. The goal is to eliminate as many burdens from one's spouse's life as possible, and most married dwarves report that their lives are generally happier after marriage. While dwarven marriages are not among the warmer in Evanoch, they are some of the most stable and lasting. Divorce is allowed in cases where one spouse has betrayed the other.
Orcs
Most traditional orcs practice polyamory, and notions of marriage do not intersect cleanly with their way of life. These larger romantic and familial relationships are incredibly supportive and fulfilling in a way that orcs at times try to communicate to the monogamous world, but many traditions' lack of polyamory makes people slow to accept the new idea. In regard to the serious and long-lasting relationships of the orcs, there is no formal recognition of bond; to orcs, demonstrating familial love, support, and guidance are all the recognition of their bond that could be needed. Without marriage, there is also no proposal to be had, nor wedding to be thrown, nor vows to be made.
Serious orcish relationships are based on the idea of consistently choosing to share life, day after day. When a romantic relationship is easy to find because essentially everyone is on the market, and there is no sense of formal commitment, the act of remaining together becomes a high honor, a recognition of one's partner's enduring value. The orcish model of family is also based on the idea of providing for children being a primary function of serious relationships, so a great deal of these relationships also pertains to contributing to parenting and supporting the familial unit. Without formal marriage, there is not formal divorce; though romantic relationships can end without much stress, an orc indebted as a parent to another orc is permanently considered responsible for them.
Elves
Because elves live to be 1,000 years old, it is more common than not to have multiple significant, serious romantic partners in one's lifetime. Due to this, elves, like orcs, practice polyamory, with different partners taking on more or less primary roles over the course of the elf's lifetime. Like the orcs, this results in a lack of formal marriage, though there is a stage of seriousness that a relationship can reach where it has a different term, irilae, closer to "mind mate" than "partner." An irilae receives treatment according to different social rules which are not entirely unlike a married partner but also distinctly not like a marriage--there is a commitment to one's partner and a recognition of being understood and understanding in return, but there is no legal or financial element to it. Elven courtship is almost entirely conversation at the start, followed by increasingly intimate private conversations. There are no proposals, weddings, or vows.
Irilae (also the plural) are expected to always give their partner full attention when with them, to always try to understand them, and to never demean them. Beyond that, most elements of the heightened romantic relationship among elves look the same as the more common version or romance, which looks to many outsiders like close friendship, as elves are very reserved about affection. While there is no marriage to have a corresponding divorce, there is a socially formal (but non-legal) process of cutting off a former partner, something which is frowned upon in elven society--it is expected that one will stay on good terms with their past partners.
Half-Elves
In half-elven relationships, family building is largely not a project adopted by most. Instead, relationships are built on a kind of sharing intellectually like their elven parents and a selfless love like their Faninite parents to create a kind of intense personal bond that exists solely for the sake of romance. Faninite romance is characterized by an intense courtship in which partners try to make each other laugh, express affection, and act spontaneously. Unlike an irilae, which connotes an intellectual bond, a half-elven partner is a partner in life, someone who reaches the other completely. Because of the depth desired by many half-elves, it is not uncommon to spend more time searching for a more permanent partner than other groups. Some half-elves have adopted the tradition of a proposal a la the Daltoners, but with a far more sentimental presentation meant to illustrate knowledge of the partner being proposed to. Marriage too has been adopted by some, with many artistic flairs including elaborate gowns and robes. When half-elves use vows, they tend to be highly poetic about the pricelessness of their partner.
Half-elven serious relationships and marriages focus on being considerate of one's partner, frequently performing acts of service and bestowing small gifts in addition to communicating well, acting respectfully, and keeping each other's best interests in mind. Half-elves often are viewed as outsiders no matter where they go, and this makes half-elven friendships and relationships very strong--they are bonded by their shared struggle. An unspoken part of half-elven relationships is standing by them at times they are disadvantaged. For half-elves who do get married, divorce is available and has no social taboo on it, but it is rare, as half-elves work extraordinarily hard to be good partners.
Gnomes
Gnomes tend to compartmentalize their lives, and their relationships are deemed by other groups as peculiar because of this sort of fractured sense of relating to others. Generally, when gnomes form a romantic bond, their aim is either to (1) form an economic bond, (2) cement an intimate friendship, or (3) explore a romantic relationship. It is rare but not unheard of for gnomish relationships to have more than one element, but the general trend is that a gnome only makes the decision to enter a romantic relationship for one specific reason. It naturally follows, then, that gnomish courtship, marriage, and associated traditions be adapted for each gnome. For economic bonds, courtship consists of making joint business ventures, usually risky ones; the proposal is in the form of conglomerating business interests; the marriage is attended by professional colleagues; the vows promise to always do business in the interest of one's spouse. For intimate friendships, courtship is very private and consists of long conversations and personal secrets; the proposal comes as an invitation to take the friendship to another level; the marriage is attended by close friends familiar with both spouses and features an elaborate color code for outfits; the vows promise to always be there. For romantic relationships, courtship consists of egging each other on to stranger and stranger activities; proposals are very public as a way to display one's affection (parades are a common fixture in gnomish proposals); marriages are held in public spaces in grand fashion (full orchestras often play at these weddings); vows are meant to be inside jokes, and the more flummoxing to the gathered people, the better.
In terms of marriage values, once again, different types of gnomish relationship dictate the way of things. Economic bonds expect absolute partnership, constant communication, and a kind of trust and respect to do things as one sees fit. Intimate friendships value honesty, openness, senses of humor, intellect, and creativity. Romantic relationships place an emphasis on spontaneity, understanding, chemistry, and compatibility. Generally speaking, it is not terribly difficult for someone in Vestry and other gnomish lands to identify which sort of relationship a marriage is solely by observing the couple. Divorce is allowed but is extremely uncommon with gnomes. This is not to say that gnomish marriages are more successful than others; rather, dissatisfied gnomes tend to live in marriages that have basically dissolved and carry on life and other relationships as though single--there is no real taboo against this in gnomish culture, and full divorce only occurs when a couple has monumental issues with one another.
Halflings
Halfling romantic relationships must contend with a feature no other Evanine relationships have to: if a halfling woman in a relationship becomes pregnant, she readies to break off the relationship with her partner until she has had time to raise the child to adolescence and then abandon it to fare for itself. This means that relationships which are serious enough to intentionally bear child will necessarily end (at least according to halfling tradition). Therefore, contraception is very popular among halflings as a way to preserve a relationship, and many halflings go their whole lives without intentionally creating a child. That said, halfling romantic relationships are intense and stable in general, and the development of a private language between the couple is a common phenomenon for halflings. When halflings get married, it is a massive step--few halflings ever get married since the cultural belief is that it's a promise that can't easily be kept, which is an unwise promise to make. But when halflings do get married, they are exempt from the breaking-up-upon-birth rule. Any suspicion that a halfling has gotten married simply to keep parenthood results in shunning. When halflings marry, courtship consists of a series of dares to elevate the relationship, and meeting the dare proves one's commitment; proposal is made with a poison homemade by the proposer (the poison is a symbol of the destruction one would commit to avenge the other, which is strictly a rhetorical gesture for the largely nonviolent halflings); the wedding is held with only an officiant and those to be wedded in a mostly secret ceremony; the vows are lengthy and always written by those to be wedded, often promising complete devotion.
When halflings do rarely get married, the expectations are many. A spouse is considered one's best friend, one's greatest confidant and ally, one's safe harbor, and one's light in the darkness. For halflings, marriage is not a means to a financial ends or a person who fills a specific duty--to a halfling spouse, their spouse is everything. It is common for halfling spouses to trade handmade gifts often, to learn expert versions of each other's favorite meals, or to launch surprise dates even after years of marriage. Because divorce is not recognized in halfling culture, making considerable effort to make a relationship work even when it is struggling is the commonest approach to hard times. But the vast majority of halfling marriages are happy and successful, in large part because the halflings undertaking them are certain of their willingness to commit to the marriage until death with no exceptions.
There you have it--a guide to the marriage ceremonies and customs of each group in my homebrew setting. One thing that this guide accomplishes that will be incredibly helpful to me is that due to my current campaign, Of Gods and Dragons, has made me change something massive: I've run six major campaigns over fifteen years, all set in the year 4720. But the campaign's scope pushes to 100 years later, and as a result of Listen Check, there are no restrictions on which racial groups can reproduce together--my thought is, that's 100% of people intermingling and forming new families that have never existed before, and now I know how those families will look in terms of how the parents' bond is formed. I can say to myself, a Faninite and a halfling formed a family. Thanks to the parents' relationship, there will be strong commitment and partnership at the foundation of the family, and thanks to those groups' parenting strategies (attentive and warm for the Faninites and practical and considerate for the halflings of New Parenting)--and that's not something I could have told you before this guide. As always, spending time to fill out details of your homebrew setting almost always pay dividends, so get writing.
That's all for now. Coming soon: why varying your gaming experience will help you, a profile on the warlock pact deities in my homebrew setting, and the unspoken rules of communication in my homebrew setting. Until next time, happy gaming!
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