You can read the previous chapter here!
“See you later, sweetheart,” said Cedric.
“Don’t be late,” called Lily as Asp stepped outside the house. “Not to your own birthday party.”
“I won’t be,” said Asp. She waved and walked away.
“And bring some of that wine,” called her mother.
“I will,” called Asp. “Have a good day!”
She turned and walked away from her parents’ house, and half a block away, her smile disappeared. Damn it. Things were so good when I first came back. Now it just feels like a long con with no payout. I mean, do they really care about me? Or just Heather? Because I’m not Heather.
She hurried through the streets once she’d left the neighborhood. She came down the street towards her apartment and slowed down. Someone was standing outside her apartment, trying to peek inside. She snuck quietly down the road and off to the side, trying to get a look at the person’s face. She stained to the side; they were looking the other way. She waited. They looked the other way, towards her. She recognized them after a second and walked up to greet them.
“Rube,” she said pleasantly.
He started and turned towards her. “Ah, there you are,” he said.
“Good to see you back in town again. Your visit last year was nice,” said Asp.
“I couldn’t find you at the tavern. I asked around about you, and they pointed me here,” he said. “I hope that’s not a problem.”
Asp smiled. “Not a terribly large one, no.” She unlocked the door and led Rube inside. “So what’s going on?”
Rube smiled for a moment, then looked all business. “Things are good with the company. I have more money for you. It’s just–” He broke off, staring out the window.
“It’s just what, Rube?” she asked.
“It’s just . . . business is good. But it’s hard selling to farmers,” said Rube. “They want to do things the way their grandparents did it. Not gnomish farmers, mind you–they’re eager for innovation. We’re selling great in Alembic’s Drain. But Midford? The agricultural heart of the halflings?” He sighed. “We can’t get a foothold.”
“You have to think like a halfling,” said Asp. “Halflings don’t want what’s new. They want what’s best. So adjust your pitch. Talk about how quickly it spreads fertilizer. How easy it is on the back. That kind of thing.”
“But some other method has caught on out there,” said Rube. “It’s inferior, of course, but nobody sees it.”
Asp considered, joining Rube in staring out the window. “Do you demonstrate it?” she asked.
“No,” said Rube. “Should I?”
Asp laughed. “Go to the farmer’s market. Set it up along the grass. Show them that it’s one level pull, and a field is ready.”
“You mean, like . . .” Rube searched for the right word.
“Like sell them on it,” she said. “Do we need to go over a pitch?”
“My pitch is fine,” said Rube defensively.
Asp smiled. “Weary farmers, come and rest a while,” she said in a grandiose voice. “Come and see the invention that cuts your work to a fraction of what it was. Inspect this device–you’ll see it has a great cradle to scoop your fertilizer. You load it–” Her voice dropped to normal: “And Rube, you would actually want to shovel some fertilizer in to show how easy it is.” Her voice went back up to her pitchman tone. “You pull this simple lever!” She mimed throwing a lever, then made a loud thudding sound. “And there, on the field! It’s perfect, you see, barely any labor required to level it. Imagine how you’ll feel without the pain in your back!” She smiled at Rube. “Like that.”
Rube looked flustered. “Could you, um–?”
“Write that down?” finished Asp. Rube nodded sheepishly. “Gimme a second,” she said, retrieving a pen and paper and writing down her best recollection of what she had said.
“Your return on investment,” said Rube, passing her a coinpurse. “An increase from last year.”
“Excellent,” said Asp. She patted the coinpurse gently. “Are you still liking the business?” she asked as she finished writing and passed the paper to Rube.
“I am,” he said neutrally. “I miss being behind the drafting desk. Coming up with something new.”
Asp rolled her eyes. “Listen to me, Rube,” she said gently, “you can have that. You know how I keep telling you to hire someone to build the devices and someone else to sell them? Maybe two someones?”
“I know,” said Rube. “You’ve explained it before.”
“What if you had time to invent something new?” asked Asp. “Double your income. Until your third invention. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
Rube hesitantly smiled. “It would be nice.”
“So why not?” asked Asp. “Why not improve your life in every way?”
He looked delighted, lost in his thoughts. Then he shook his head. “You make everything sound so perfect. But I can’t.”
Asp looked at him seriously. “You just can’t?”
Rube sighed. “You wouldn’t get it.”
“Why not?” asked Asp, a touch of playfulness in her voice.
“Because what if the salesman figured out what the design was originally for? What if they sold it to the wrong people?” He sat back and sighed. “I can’t have that on my shoulders.”
Asp reached out and touched Rube gently on the shoulder. “So we’ll hire someone we can trust.” She smiled at him.
Rube grinned. “You gonna do your ‘look into my eyes and answer me one question’ bit?”
Asp laughed. “It works,” she said.
“I didn’t say it didn’t work,” he said. “You know, if I didn’t think you were on my side, I’d be afraid of you.”
Ouch, thought Asp. Afraid? “That’s not very nice, Rube,” she said, hurt.
“Not afraid afraid,” he said. “More like . . . I just recognize that you could probably make me do anything you wanted me to.”
I already have, she thought. Does he have a point?
“I’m not a monster, Rube,” she said. “Just a good liar.”
“Well,” said Rube, “I’m glad we’re on the same team.” He stood from the small table where he and Asp sat. “I should go.”
“So soon?” said Asp.
“Business calls,” said Rube. “I need to be out to Hannahton by tonight.”
Asp looked at Rube like he was a misbehaving child. “Rube,” she said, “Cancel your trip. Hire somebody to do it for you. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.”
Rube blinked a few times. “Stop trying to be everything . . . to everyone,” he repeated. He looked stunned. His eyes darted for a minute. Then he looked at Asp. “If I come back in a week or two with a potential salesman, can you do the test?” he asked.
Asp smiled. “Of course I can,” she said. “Congratulations on your promotion.”
“Promotion?” asked Rube.
“You just moved up from the bottom rung, my friend,” she said. “You’re no longer the builder or salesman. You’re Owner/Inventor Rube Pantelshmise. You don’t take shit from anyone.”
Rube smiled. “I like that,” he said. “Thanks, Asp.”
“Any time you need sense talked into you, you just come on by,” she said. “Now go make us some money.”
Rube laughed. “On it, boss,” he said playfully.
“Nope,” said Asp. “I’m not your boss. You’re the boss, remember?”
“So I am,” said Rube, chuckling. He took a few steps to the door. “Oh, I meant to tell you–I moved out of Strey. I’m up in Cal-Cal-Zarog now. In case something comes up.”
“Good to know,” said Asp. “Good luck up there.”
“Thanks,” said Rube. He opened the door. “Take care,” he said, and he stepped outside, closing the door behind him.
“Take care,” called Asp. She turned to the coinpurse and opened it. Gold coins spilled out of it onto the table. She sighed and pried up the floorboard. Next to the lockbox were eleven stacks of coins of various metals, nearly filling the space. She carefully stacked the new gold pieces in with the rest, leaving fourteen stacks of coins next to the lockbox. Will I ever need money again? she thought. I mean, I have enough to not work for years. But I keep working. It just feels good. She replaced the floorboard and sat back down. It feels so good to be me. I’m so in control. Not like with Mom and Dad. Then it’s just playing along, keeping my real life secret. It’s like a game, she thought as she watched Iris climb in the open window. You win if they have no idea who you are, and you lose if they get to know you. Even playing the game, you lose. She allowed Iris to leap onto her lap and curl up.
“Mrow,” said Iris.
“But can, baby?” asked Asp. “Could I really just leave behind who I used to be? I mean, I left behind the hungry nights. I left behind the arguments. I left behind not knowing if I could take care of myself.”
“Mrow,” said Iris.
“Iris, don’t be snippy,” said Asp, playfully frustrated. “I don’t think I’m a totally different person, but I don’t feel the same.” She stroked behind Iris’s ears. “Don’t I have a right to start over? To be myself?”
Iris looked up at Asp. “Mroooow,” she said.
“Yeah,” said Asp. “There will always be Mom and Dad.” She kept petting Iris, staring off into the distance. “So, I keep playing along with Mom and Dad, and I live as myself the rest of the time. Kinda the best of both worlds.”
“Mrow-row,” said Iris. “Mrrrrrow.”
“You’re right, baby,” said Asp. “There is no ‘best of both worlds’ with this. You’re either one person or another. You can’t be both.”
“Mrow,” said Iris quietly.
“Yeah, you can’t be both,” Asp repeated. She glanced out the window and saw the sun had passed the noon mark. “Oh, baby, I gotta go,” she said, lifting Iris off of herself. “Ooh, be good.” She scooped up her bag and headed for the door.
“Mrow,” said Iris from the chair.
Asp stopped at the door, looking back to Iris. “You really think so?” she asked. “Bad feeling?”
“Mrow,” said Iris.
“Then I’ll be extra careful. Thanks, baby,” she said. She closed the door and made for the edge of town, smiling at the thought of Rube’s business turning the corner.
—
Asp walked the last stretch of the road into Delfield, a densely-populated city a ways outside of Thistewade. The closely-built neighborhoods stretched out around the center of town, where Town Hall stood, an imposing granite building. She swept past a few street vendors and into a tavern with lively music spilling out into the street. She took a seat at a corner booth, ordered a glass of Thimblefull Wine, and waited. She enjoyed the dulcimer’s regular tone and allowed herself to enjoy the moment without furtively glancing around. I’ve learned my lesson, she thought. There’s not someone out to get me in every tavern. I can relax. She bobbed her head to rhythm and drank her wine.
“Excuse me, miss?” asked a whiskered old halfling man in a checkered shirt. “Is this seat taken?”
“By all means,” said Asp, gesturing to the man to take the seat across from her. “I take it you’re Treelight?”
The man nodded. “You’re Asp?” he asked. “They said back corner.”
“You’re in the right place,” she said easily. “You have the payment?”
“I do,” he said. “You have the seal?”
Asp grinned. “About that,” she said. “You didn’t tell me whose seal this is. Now that I know how much it’s worth, I think we need to renegotiate.”
Treelight winced. “Renegotiate?” he asked. “We had a deal.”
“We did,” said Asp. “But you lied.”
“I did not,” said Treelight. “Besides, it’s your job to lie.”
“Keep it down,” said Asp firmly, glancing around. “And that’s the point. It was my job to lie to them. You are not supposed to lie. You violated our terms. Hence the renegotiation.”
“I don’t like this,” said Treelight bitterly.
“I don’t like some random guy out there having the power to legally endorse things in the name of one of the richest men in Eunax,” said Asp. “So I guess we’re at an impasse.”
Treelight scowled. “But you do have it?”
Asp smiled. “Of course I do,” she said. “You hired the best.”
Treelight’s eyes gleamed. “How much more?” he asked.
Asp looked casual. “It was fifteen . . . let’s say twenty-five.”
Treelight stared at her a moment, then shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Asp looked at him as though he were being unreasonable. “We both know it will pay for twenty-five the first time you use it.”
Treelight sighed. “No use trying to change your mind, I imagine,” he said. “How about twenty?”
“Twenty-three,” said Asp. She smiled internally. I don’t need the money, but it’s the point.
“Twenty-one,” said Treelight.
“Twenty-two,” countered Asp. “Final offer.”
Treelight looked back helplessly. “Twenty-two,” he conceded. “Now, the seal?”
“We’ll put them both on the table at once,” said Asp, “and then we’ll take what’s ours. No lingering on the table. Ready?”
Treelight reached into his bag, moving coins between coinpurses. “Ready,” he said.
“Go,” said Asp. She placed a small leather pouch on the table; Treelight placed a coinpurse next to it. Each grabbed the opposite’s offering.
“Looks good,” said Asp, scanning the golden coins in the coinpurse just below the table.
“Wow,” said Treelight. “It’s really Crenshaw’s seal.”
“Well of course it is,” said Asp. “I’m a liar, not a bastard.”
Treelight smiled. “Thanks,” he said.
“Anything else?” asked Asp. “Or is our business concluded?”
“That’s all,” said Treelight. He stood, the leather pouch in hand. “Good night,” he said, nodding, and left the tavern.
Asp smiled and put the new coinpurse in her bag. She sipped at her wine. Another flawless job, if I say so myself, she thought. Now I should probably get back to–
“Hello, Asp,” said a curly-haired man in a fine outfit. He sat down where Treelight had just been sitting.
Asp swallowed hard. “Hi, Xander,” she said. “It’s been a while.”
He smiled viciously at her. “Yes it has,” he said. “And you’ve been busy.”
Asp breathed heavily. “I imagine you have, too,” she said.
“I have,” he said, grinning. “But nothing like you.” His eyes were boring a hole in her.
She adopted a powerful pose. “I’ve done okay for myself.”
“Well, who wouldn’t with an official seal of the Thistlewade government?” asked Xander.
Asp smiled diplomatically. “It was a good find,” she said. “So, is this a chance meeting, or were you looking for me?”
“Eh, a little bit of both,” said Xander. “I’d been hoping I’d run into you for a while, but you’re not easy to find.”
“That’s bullshit,” said Asp casually. “You know where I live. You know where my folks live. I got found by someone who doesn’t even live on Eunax earlier today.” She narrowed her eyes. “What’s your game?”
Xander’s smile melted away to reveal a neutral face with burning eyes. “My game is I want your game.”
Asp cocked an eyebrow. “You want my game? What are you talking about?”
“Your seal,” said Xander. “Not the one you just sold, which–good job there, kid. You have definitely come into your own.” He licked his lips. “No, I’m talking about that diplomat’s seal. You’ve been sitting on it. I want to use it for real.”
Asp rolled her eyes. “I haven’t been sitting on it,” she said. “I use it every few months. But what good would it be if I used it so much that people started talking? It’s just being careful.”
“You wanna talk about careful,” said Xander. “You’re investing in honest business? As in, multiple honest businesses?” He stared at her. “You going soft?”
Asp sighed. “Xander, I’m keeping my seal, and you’re going to leave me alone so that I can finish my wine.”
“Oh, now she’s in control,” said Xander, mocking her. “She’s gonna tell ol’ Xander what to do, and he’s just gonna listen.”
She looked at him tiredly. “Do you have a point?” she asked. “Or are you just here to bug me?”
Xander yawned performatively. “You don’t get it,” he said. “You give me the seal, or I report you for stealing Crenshaw’s seal.”
She looked at him closely. “You would sell me out to get the seal?” she asked, her voice uncertain. “Isn’t that against your code?”
“I don’t have code,” said Xander. “You have it on you?”
She shook her head. “It’s back home,” she said.
“Let’s go get it,” said Xander.
“I can’t right now,” she said. “I have other . . . obligations.”
“By tomorrow,” said Xander firmly. “Otherwise you get reported.”
She shook her head. “You know, if you sell me out, I can just sell you out back.”
“But you won’t,” said Xander. “You’ll do as you’re told.”
Nobody tells me what to do, she thought fiercely, keeping her face plain. Try and see what happens.
“I guess I have to,” she said after a moment. “I’ll meet you in Thistlewade tomorrow.”
“You’d better,” he said.
Asp finished her glass of wine. “Good night, Xander,” she said.
“Good night, Asp,” he said, standing and walking out the door.
Asp sat for a minute, steadying her nerves. She stood up and headed to the counter, where she bought several bottles of wine, and headed out the door back to Thistlewade. As she went, she internally fumed. Nobody controls me, she thought. I’ll show Xander. He’ll wish he hadn’t picked a fight with me.
—
Asp swept in through Thistlwade’s city gates and made a beeline for the first guard she saw.
“Excuse me, can you help?” she asked in a pitiful voice.
“What’s wrong, miss?” asked the guard, a tall, strong halfling woman with dark hair.
“I’m being harassed by someone,” she said sadly. “I think they’re trying to frame me.”
“Slow down,” said the guard. “Who’s harassing you?”
“This man,” said Asp. “He has curly hair and dressed in a fancy outfit. I think he’s a criminal.”
“And he wants to frame you?” said the guard.
“He said he’s going to tell everyone that I committed all his crimes,” she said, playing up how stressed out she was. “He said he’s going to make me look like a criminal mastermind, and no one will believe me.”
The guard looked sadly at Asp. “Did you get his name?”
“He said he was Morty,” said Asp. “But I heard him tell someone else his name is Xander.”
“We’ll be on the lookout, miss,” said the guard. “And your name?”
“Heather Turnkey,” said Asp, refusing to allow sourness enter her voice as she said the name. “I live just down this street here,” she said, pointing.
“Okay, Ms. Turnkey,” said the guard. “Don’t you worry. Nobody is going to get you.”
“Thanks so much, officer,” said Asp. “You have a good night.”
“You too,” called the guard as she started towards the guard complex.
That ought to make things a little harder on Xander, she though. See what happens when you mess with me. She hurried on through the city, feeling the weight of the wine bottles in her pack. No one controls me.
She walked lightly through the streets and soon arrived at her parents’ house. She knocked twice on the door. Lily opened it.
“Happy birthday, Heather,” she said. “Come in.”
Asp stepped inside and greeted her father at the kitchen table.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he said. “How’s it going?”
“Good,” said Asp. She set her bag down on the table, and it jingled slightly as she did.
“Was that money?” asked Lily. “That sounded like a lot.”
“I got a return on investment today,” said Asp quickly.
“Good for you,” said Cedric. “So that’s where you went.”
“Yep,” said Asp sweetly. “Just had to see my co-owner.”
“And the vineyard makes good money like that?” asked Lily.
“Oh, this is something else,” said Asp. “I invested in an agricultural invention. It spreads fertilizer.”
“That’s nice,” said Lily absently. She went to a kitchen drawer and pulled out the corkscrew Asp had given them last year. “Good for you,” she said as she uncorked the first bottle of wine.
“Do you, um,” started Asp, “do you need anything?”
Lily winced, and Cedric shook his head perhaps a bit too forcefully. “We’re fine,” said Lily.
“I don’t mean to push it,” said Asp cautiously, “but–”
“We’re fine,” said Cedric. “Really.”
Fine. Continue to struggle, Asp thought. “So, is it time for the birthday song?” she asked.
“Oh, did you prepare something?” asked Cedric. “We could do a birthday song.”
“Two, three, four,” counted Lily.
“Your birthday has arrived, and soon it shall depart
We celebrate your life, your love, your darling little heart
We wish you all the very best and bid you take a bow
For your special time has time, so sing about it now,” they sang together.
Asp smiled and sang her response. “Thirty years have come and gone, and now I am right here,
And though I am so little on this spinning, flying sphere
I have become a person who’s simply left behind
The things that aren’t for me, and aren’t my own kind.”
Cedric and Lily looked uncertainly at one another, then tentatively clapped. “That was, um, nice, sweetheart,” said Cedric. “Good song.”
“Thanks,” said Asp. Was it that weird? she thought. I thought it was good.
“Let’s have some wine,” said Lily, pouring a bottle into three glasses. “To Heather’s businesses,” she said, raising a glass.
“To her continued success,” said Cedric, lifting his own glass.
“To another great year,” said Asp, clinking her glass against her parents’.
They drank their first glasses of wine, and as the evening wore on, they drained the second, and eventually the third bottle of wine. They sat around the living room telling stories, not noticing how loud they were.
“And then you just . . .” Cedric drunkenly searched for the right word. “Tumbled, I guess you would say, right out of the crib and onto the floor. And you screamed like we couldn’t believe! You were so small,” he said emphatically. “And you made so much noise.”
“And you still do!” quipped Lily.
Asp made a face at her, then smiled. “I learned from the best.”
Lily and Cedric laughed, Lily clapping her hands, and Cedric slapping a hand against his knee.
“Or that poor girl Nicole,” said Lily, suddenly somber. “Before what happened, you and her were . . .” She twisted up her face, trying to find the right pronunciation. “In-sepper-ahb-ahb-bull.”
“You were,” said Cedric, not noticing that Asp had fallen silent. “Everywhere she went, you wanted to go.”
“And as soon as you started spending time together,” said Lily, pausing to laugh, “you wanted a puppy like hers. What was that thing called again? Bumpy?”
“Lumpy,” said Asp quietly. Dark emotions were flaring behind her eyes.
“Lumpy!” cried Lily, oblivious. “You wanted your own little Lumpy so bad.”
“Of course, we couldn’t afford to have had a dog,” said Cedric. “It was too bad.”
“You know, when you were little,” said Lily, “it was like you didn’t even have a personality. You were just like whoever was around you.”
Didn’t even have a personality? Asp thought bitterly. You were too busy sending me to bed hungry to find out what my personality was.
“That’s true!” said Cedric. “We never knew what to call you, because you sure didn’t seem like our Heather.”
Asp’s eye twitched. She felt a raging wind rising in her, and though she knew not to give into it, she couldn’t help it. The wine and Xander’s ultimatum decided for her.
“I’m not your Heather!” she screamed. “I’m not! You think you know about me, but you don’t!” She felt her jaw tighten as she tried to speak. “I don’t want to be that person anymore!” She slumped into the couch. “If you’d just let me, I could show you who I am.”
Cedric looked sleepily at her. “I don’t get what you mean, sweetie,” he said. “Who are you if you’re not Heather?”
You don’t even know. That’s right–that’s why I’m allowed back. Because they don’t even know me. If they knew me, I’d be back out on my ass. They don’t care. They don’t really care.
“You wouldn’t understand,” she said angrily. She stood. “Thanks for the party,” she said.
“Heather, what?” asked Lily. “Where are you going?”
Asp drunkenly stumbled making it to the door. “Home,” she said, her voice stony.
“Heather, wait!” cried Cedric. “Just explain.”
Asp shook her head. “I can’t,” she said. “Not without everything going away.”
“What are you talking about?” asked her father. “Please, Heather, just talk to me.”
Asp looked down. A tear slid down her cheek. “Good night,” she said and walked out the door.
She walked down the street on an uneven path created by the wine.
“Heather!” called Cedric from the door. “Heather, come back!”
But Asp was gone in the darkness. She sniffled a bit as she turned the corner back to her apartment. Fuck, she thought. What am I supposed to say now? If I’m not their daughter, who am I? She arrived at her apartment and hurried inside. Maybe I’m not their daughter. If they don’t want me as I am, what does it matter anyway?
Iris bounded to meet Asp by the door. “Mrow,” she said feistily.
Asp half-heartedly smiled. “Hey, baby,” she said. “The party was a bust.”
Iris sat down. “Mrow,” she said.
Asp laughed. “Yeah, well, at least I’m full of good wine,” she said.
“Mrow,” said Iris.
“Sorry, wine is for people,” said Asp. “You can have some rabbit, though.”
“Mrow!” cried Iris.
“I’m getting it,” said Asp, mimicking impatience. “Calm yourself.” She sat in the armchair with a few strips of dried rabbit and fed them to Iris. Iris finished the meat and leapt to the floor, where she began to prowl the apartment.
Asp breathed deeply and sat on the edge of her bed. “Good night, Iris,” she said. “Hopefully, tomorrow is better.”
“Mrow,” said Iris.
“Love you too,” said Asp. She sunk into bed and let her consciousness fade as she watched the shadows dance across the ceiling. I know who I am, she thought just before nodding off. I’m Asp. And that’s all I need.
—
The following morning, Asp wandered the stalls in the marketplace. She looked casually at smithed goods, leatherworks, various cuisines, clothing from across the world, and things she had only seen before in markets like this. She was trying to keep her mind open, free of the tensions of yesterday, and finding some success.
“Are these fabrics woven, or spun?” she asked a clothier.
“Spun on these ones,” said the clothier, gesturing to most of the clothes. “These are woven over here.”
Asp considered them, then nodded politely to the clothier. “Thanks!” she said. “Have a good day.”
“You too,” said the clothier, trying to hide his displeasure at a non-paying customer.
Asp wandered on, scanning tables. She saw mirrors and lockets and fine tools. She turned a corner. There were musical instruments and tapestries and books. She turned another corner. There were salves and boots and saddles. She turned again. She saw a table covered in herbs and dried flowers and jars with preserved animal corpses. Asp cocked an eyebrow and looked up at the vendor. Before her stood an old woman with wild hair who she recognized.
“Heather,” said Terro as their eyes met. “Look at you.”
Asp looked surprised. “You remember me?”
“You remember me,” said Terro, smiling. “Why should the reverse be any less true?”
Asp chuckled. “Good point,” she said. “It’s been so long. You’re still here?”
Terro shrugged. “So are you,” she said.
“Another good point,” said Asp.
“I remember that I thought you would be one to watch out for,” said Terro. “Was I right?”
Asp smiled. “Well, in a way,” she said. “I definitely have changed.”
Terro nodded. “You wanted to know how to learn secrets,” she said. “Have you?”
Asp laughed. “I have,” she said. “I’ve gotten pretty good at it.”
Terro nodded again. “I’m certain you have,” she said. “You know, in some societies, those who can be anyone at all are the most revered.”
Asp looked at Terro, trying not to laugh. “Well, we obviously don’t live like that.”
Terro smiled. “You are not Heather anymore,” she said simply. “I do not want to call you yesterday’s name. Who are you now?”
Asp felt the name swelling up inside her. “Asp,” she said breathily.
“Asp,” said Terro. “Like the snake.”
“Like the snake,” repeated Asp.
“But you are more sweet than vicious,” said Terro. “I could see it in you then, and I see it in you now.”
Asp narrowed her eyes. “You can see things that aren’t there yet,” she said, discovering the statement’s truth as she said it. “What else is in store for me?”
Terro chuckled. “Oh, child, you should not tamper with your future,” she said. “It is for unfolding, not following.” She smiled at Asp. “But you do have a great change ahead of you.”
“A change?” asked Asp. “What kind of change?”
Terro smiled mysteriously. “You will find out soon enough,” she said. “Don’t worry. It will bring you closer to who you are meant to be.”
Meant to be? thought Asp. “Can’t you be more . . . specific?”
Terro shook her head, almost playfully. “I’ve said enough,” she said. “You will see soon.”
Asp bit her lip. “I guess I’ll see soon,” she said.
Terro smiled. “Don’t fret, Asp,” she said. “There is more to life than knowing.”
“Not in my line of work,” said Asp.
Terro chuckled. “You will see,” she said.
Asp nodded to herself. She reached into her coinpurse and withdrew a gold coin. She placed it on the table between a taxidermied raven and a bottle of opaque liquid. “For your help,” she said.
“I haven’t truly helped you,” said Terro.
“But you did,” said Asp. “A long time ago, you did. I couldn’t pay you then, but I’ll admit that this coin means basically nothing to me. You should take it.” She looked hard at Terro. “You helped a hungry little girl learn to take care of herself. I thought of you sometimes when I did get to eat. About how there’s more than one way to learn something.”
Terro smiled warmly. “Then you have learned well,” she said. “In many ways.” She took the coin and placed it somewhere in the folds of her robe.
“Thanks, Terro,” said Asp, turning to go.
“Thank you, Asp,” said Terro. “Good luck on your journey.”
Asp looked quizzically at Terro. Journey? She shook the doubt out of her head. “You too,” she said. “Wherever that journey may take you.”
Terro nodded at Asp, and Asp walked onward. I should probably go clean up at Mom and Dad’s. Who knows what they’re thinking right now? She left the marketplace and headed towards her parents’ place. She was almost there when she noticed a finely-dressed man with curly hair leaving her parents’ place. She ducked back around the corner and watched. He spoke a few friendly words to Lily, who looked quite concerned. He waved and walked off in the direction Asp was hiding. She turned and jogged away. If he’s here now, he’s already been to my apartment. Probably, at least. Where do I go? I have to lay low until the guards get him. She wound around a corner and hurried to a corner of the city.
Asp walked into a ramshackle inn and went up to the innkeeper.
“You go by the hour here?” she asked.
The innkeeper stayed expressionless. “You can stay till noon, midevening, midnight, or tomorrow morning,” she said.
“I’ll take a room until noon,” Asp said.
“First one on the left,” said the innkeeper, handing her a small steel key.
“Thanks,” said Asp. She took the key and inserted it into the keyhole at the first door. It clicked, and she headed inside the room, locking in behind her. She sat down on the bed, drew the curtain, and thought.
I still can’t believe that Mom and Dad didn’t get what I was talking about. They just sat there laughing about how I’m nobody. She felt anger flame up in her chest. Nobody. Just an empty vessel, walking around to take some other shape. Godsdamnit, being malleable doesn’t make you nobody. She breathed heavily. Stupid bullshit, she thought. I’ll fix it. I’ll make it like I never said anything.
Asp waited there in the inn room until she couldn’t bear it any longer. She lay back and tried to be calm, but her anger kept stirring up. Nobody, she thought. Fuck Heather. I’m done being Heather. Even Terro gets it, and we’ve spoken an average of one sentence a year. She allowed an angry grumble to escape her windpipe.
A few hours passed. Her anger was simmering by the time she stood and made for the door. She left the room, dropped the key on the innkeeper’s desk, and left the inn.
Alright, Mom and Dad–let’s sort this once and for all.
—
Asp walked through the city streets with her head swimming. Nobody, she kept thinking. I’m not nobody. She turned a corner and saw too late that Xander was leaning against a post a few feet away.
“Hey, Asp,” he said. “Or should I say, Heather?” He laughed bitterly. “Had a nice talk with your folks a while ago.”
Asp tried to control her breathing. “What did you tell them?” she asked.
“Oh, you’ll find out at your next family get-together,” he said. “Now how about that seal?”
Asp gritted her teeth. “I don’t have to give you the seal. Before long, the guards will pick you up,” she said fiercely.
“Oh, that was a good trick,” said Xander. “Fortunately, I sorted that out. Now they’re looking for the halfling girl who tried to frame me.”
Asp scowled. “You don’t expect me to believe that?” she said.
“I don’t care if you believe it,” said Xander. “They’re out looking for you. You might want to get off the street. Maybe we could go to where you stashed the seal.”
Asp shook her head. “Sorry, Xander, but you can’t control me. It’s mine. I came by it fair and square.”
Xander looked faux surprised. “So you wouldn’t mind if I headed over there,” he said, pointing down the road to a guard, “and told him I found you.”
A pit formed in Asp’s stomach. “You wouldn’t,” she said.
“Oh, officer!” cried Xander.
“Shut up!” whispered Asp. “Just give me a second.”
“That’s more like it,” said Xander.
She reached into her pack and grabbed the seal. She looked at it sadly in her hand.
“Come on now,” he said. “Let’s not get sentimental.” He held out his hand.
Asp felt a massive wave of anger wash over her. “Fine,” she said. She violently put the seal in Xander’s outstretched hand. “Are we good?” she asked.
“We’re great,” said Xander. He admired the seal. “Good luck with those guards, now.”
Asp rolled her eyes. “Bye, Xander,” she said.
Xander walked away, staring into the seal. She watched him leave, fury storming inside her. She felt she could scarcely breathe. Asp looked back at the guard and hurried on her way.
She arrived at her parents’ house and knocked twice on the door. Lily opened the door, curiosity on her face. When she saw Asp, she looked hurt for a moment.
“Heather?” she asked.
“Hey, Mom,” said Asp weakly. “I, um, I thought I’d come by to talk.”
“We do need to talk,” said Lily, standing aside. “Your father is at work, you know.”
“Yeah,” said Asp as she walked in. “After last night, I thought I’d–”
“Yes,” said Lily, leading Asp to the kitchen. “You seemed quite upset.”
“I was upset,” said Asp, feeling the anger boiling in her. “You and Dad–”
“Heather, listen to me,” interrupted Lily. “What are you mixed up in?”
“I’m not mixed up in anything, Mom,” said Asp. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. It’s like you and Dad remember who I was as a kid, and that’s all that matters.”
“Of course it matters, Heather,” said Lily. “Those were good years.”
“Were they, though?” asked Asp, her fury bubbling over. “I don’t remember them that way.”
“You were never happy then,” said Lily. “You were an unhappy child.”
“I was hungry, Mom!” shouted Asp. “I was unhappy because I was hungry!”
“Where is this all coming from?” asked Lily. “I thought you’d been happy since we all came back together.”
Ask laughed bitterly. “Do you remember why we had to come back together? You kicked me out!”
“We had to, Heather,” said Lily. “You were committing crimes! Which, by the way–”
“No!” cried Asp. “You didn’t have to. You could have tried to help me!”
“We were helping you,” said Lily. “Otherwise you would have ended up a criminal. And that would be terrible, wouldn’t it, Heather?”
“Would it, Mom?” asked Asp. “Would it really be the worst thing in the world if I had ended up a criminal?”
“It would,” said Lily bitterly. “If it turned out that you had been off hurting people for money . . .”
“Then what, Mom?” demanded Asp. “Just say it. “If it turned out that I had been stealing money . . .”
“Then we’d be so disappointed,” said Lily. “It would just break your father. If you were a criminal, then you’d be–” Her voice faltered. “You’d be nobody to us anymore.”
“Stop!” shouted Asp. “Just stop!” Her mind raced. Nobody. Her eyes blazed. “So what if I am? So what if I make money my own way? So what if I’m a criminal?”
“Are you, Heather?” asked Lily. Her voice was small.
Asp stood staring at her mother, breathing heavily. “Don’t call me Heather,” she said angrily.
Lily flinched. “What? If you’re not Heather, who are you?”
Asp shook her head. Nobody, she thought. You’d be nobody to us. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. She could feel where this conversation was headed. And she found to her surprise that it suited her. Fine, she thought. You asked for this.
“I’m done being Heather, mom.”
“I don’t know how you can say that,” said her mother bitterly. “How can you turn your back on your family like this?”
“I’m not turning my back on anything but who I used to be. We all have a right to that, don’t we?”
Her mother stiffened. “But you’re my Heather. You’ll always be my Heather.” She turned gestured vaguel to the door. “That guard who came looking for you–he called you Hasp?”
Asp cringed and looked around the modest room. She had grown up, mostly unhappily, right here. And she knew that this conversation would close the door on it forever.
“It’s better if you don’t know, mom.” She looked hesitantly around the room, putting off what came next.
“Sweetie, listen to me. Whatever you’re wrapped up in, your father and I can help.” Her mother’s eyes were sharp and bright.
Asp stiffened. “You can help? Help how? You have no money, no resources, no contacts, no skills–what are you talking about? This is what I’m leaving behind. Your insistence on being helpless, your need to constantly be the martyr. I’m done with it.” And with the blood still pulsing in her ears, she stormed out. Her mother said something quietly, but Asp couldn’t hear it over the slamming of the front door.
You can read the first chapter of Nobody Knows Me (which this novel is a prequel to) here!
You can read the first chapter of You Changed Too, the sequel to Nobody Knows Me, here!
You can read short stories that take place during the time jumps in Two Different Things Can Just Be Different here!
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