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Knock knock knock. Knock knock. Asp recognized Candace’s knock pattern. She’s got an armful of something and needs me to get the door. She smiled. What’s she got? Asp skipped to the door and opened it.
Candace stepped inside, a bundle of black cloth in her arms. “Good morning,” she said with a smile. The bundle clanked together.
“Morning,” replied Asp. “I see you‘re up early.”
“I am,” Candace said. She noticed Asp looking at the bundle. Candace smiled, but her eyes were distant. “You might not like it.”
Asp raised an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”
Candace placed the cloth on the bed and unfolded it. On the fabric were a half-dozen black daggers.
“Oh,” said Asp, her stomach sinking. “Uh, I don’t want to say you’re right, but . . .”
Candace looked at her and made a serious face. “We’re going after the people who hurt you, and you’re going to hurt them how?”
Asp looked down at her tiny hands. Her nails were the finest they had ever been. When she played delicate Penelope, she now actually looked the part. She clenched a fist in the air as though in front of the silver Ronan'el woman with the greatclub. She sighed and released her fist.
“Look at me, Candy. Who am I gonna hurt?” Asp shrugged her shoulders.
Lightning-fast, Candace reached to her hip and drew a black dagger which she held an inch from Asp’s throat.
“You don’t have to be strong to use one of these, you know?” said Candace, withdrawing the dagger and replacing it in its sheath. Because everything Candace wore was black, the dagger was barely perceptible. Asp often forgot about it until she would accidentally touch the dagger when she and Candace were close. It made her uncomfortable now as it did then.
Asp started to speak a few times, stopped, and then turned away.
“Honey, what is it?” asked Candace, concerned.
Asp sighed. “I just don’t think I could kill someone. I don’t think it’s in me. I would take almost anybody for all they’ve got, but I can’t kill them.”
Candace laughed like a parent laughs at a child’s misapprehension of things. “That’s big talk. Be honest, honey, when was the last time you left someone without something they couldn’t do without?”
“I– Well . . . There was–No. Uh . . .” Asp shrugged. “Okay, maybe I’ve gone soft.” She smiled at Candace. “But it’s because of you, so you only have yourself to blame,” she added, smiling.
Candace laughed. “You’re very sweet, but you still need to pick one of these,” she said, waving over the daggers. “I got the smallest ones I could find that would still, you know, break the skin.”
Asp looked the blades over. They were small–just the right size for her. She picked one up at random and considered the flat handle. “Am I looking for something in particular? The lightest one? The sharpest one?”
“I’ve already eliminated all but the lightest and sharpest,” said Candace, pride in her voice. “You should see the pile that didn’t make it.”
Asp shook her head. “You need an entire other pile of knives?”
“I think they’re pretty!” cried Candace. “Everybody collects something. I just happen to collect things that I can use. You’d be surprised how often a cat burglar needs a good knife.” She patted her dagger, beaming.
“So I pick it based on what? Which one is the most black?” Asp laughed at her own joke.
“See which one is most comfortable in your hand,” said Candace, ignoring the remark.
Asp put down the flat-handled knife and tried picking up the others. After a bit of checking each, she held up two, both with wooden carved handles and thin blades. “These are pretty good, I gues.”.
“In case of a tie, pick the prettiest one,” said Candace with a smile.
Asp considered them. Because they were both entirely black, it was hard to discern what the designs were. The first has a fish? No, a shark swimming up the blade. The second has some circular design on the handle, maybe a circle inside a circle. “Oh my gods,” said Asp, smiling. “It’s a flower.”
“It’s like it was meant to be,” said Candace. “Now, to use it.”
Asp turned to her, eyes wide, clutching the sheath in both hands. “This was a lot for today. Let’s leave that for tomorrow.”
Candace put her foot down hard. “Asp, you listen to me. There is no squirming out of this. It’s terrible we haven’t taught you how to do this already, and the time is now.” Her voice was kind but firm.
Asp considered her words with care. “Can you refer me to someone else to teach me that, please? I just . . . I don’t want to have to think about you killing someone. And that’s all I’m gonna be thinking about if you teach me.” She paused. “You called me out for my big talk. I’m doing the same now. You talk about using these knives, but have you killed someone?”
Say no. Of course she’ll say no. It’s Candace. She’s not a–
“It’s not big talk, Asp. I’ve had to kill a few times.”
It was as though the wind had been knocked out of Asp. A few times?
“You’re not saying anything, honey. You okay?” asked Candace.
Asp blinked. “Yeah, okay.” Her gaze slowly fell to the floor. “I’m okay, I mean.”
Candace looked at Asp, concerned. Then, she sighed and shrugged. “I guess Kyrn would be your best bet. She’s good with a blade. And she’s used one, too.”.
What’s the point? Asp thought. Now I can’t stop thinking about you killing people. “Thanks, Candy. I’m glad you understand.”
-
Asp came down the stairs and entered the living room to find Dancer, Gunther, Annabel, and Kyrn playing cards.
“Hey, Kyrn, I have a favor to ask,” Asp said to the green Ronan’el.
“Is it related to all the money she’s making off of us?” asked Gunther.
“We told you this was a bad idea,” said Annabel, her voice tired.
“Hey, c’mon,” said Dancer in Kyrn’s defense, “it’s been at least three years since we played cards with Kyrn. Gunther is just giving Kyrn credit.”
“I didn’t think it was possible to cheat a bunch of cheats, but I’m changing my tune,” said Gunther, a touch of anger rising in his voice. “You memorize the backs of the cards or something?”
Kyrn laughed. “I’m not cheating! I’m just having a lucky streak. Why would I cheat first thing after years of being banned?”
“Because you can’t help yourself,” said Dancer, rolling his eyes.
Gunther laughed. “Good one,” he said, slapping another high five with Dancer.
“Can I ask you in private?” asked Asp. “It’s a little embarrassing.”
“Ooooooooh, something embarrassing,” said Dancer, his hands raised up to his face in glee.
“I bet it’s girl stuff,” said Gunther.
“Right,” said Annabel, exaggerating nodding. “Girl stuff.”
“I’ll be right there–let me finish this hand,” said Kyrn, her eyes focused on the table.
Asp stepped into the hallway and dawdled for a moment. How am I gonna word this without obviously being uncomfortable? Or do I just lean into it? Laughter and a howl sounded from the other room.
“Another pair of aces!” yelled Gunther. “I see why you stopped playing with her.”
“A lucky streak,” repeated Kyrn as she joined Asp in the hallway. “Not a lucky streak,” she whispered to Asp. “Dancer’s right–I can’t help myself.” She flashed a toothy grin.
“Nice work,” said Asp, patting Kyrn on the hip. “Take ‘em for all they’re worth. Especially Gunther.”
“Girl, Gunther’s gonna be out begging for alms when I’m through,” said Kyrn “Now what did you need?”
“I need help with something that makes me a little uncomfortable, and Candace said you’re the right person for the job,” said Asp, looking anywhere but at Kyrn.
Kyrn cocked an eyebrow. “You’re already as good a pickpocket as you need to be, aren’t you? Or do you have something planned?”
“It’s not that.” Asp rubbed the back of her neck. “We’re going after the people who mugged me, and I didn’t own a weapon until just now, so you can see where I’m in need of some help.”
“You want me to teach you how to use a knife?” asked Kyrn. “You mean, you don’t know already?”
“It’s never come up,” said Asp, frowning.
“Lucky you,” said Kyrn, eyebrows raised. “Yeah, sure, I’ll show you how to carve a goose.”
Asp furrowed her brow. “Is that thief-tongue?”
“Just a metaphor,” explained Kyrn.
“A very colorful one,” said Asp, trying not to seem put off.
“I’m gonna finish running the table on these fools, and then let’s meet back in two hours.” Kyrn turned back toward the living room. “That work for you?”
“Sure thing,” Asp managed to say. “Thanks.”
Asp clenched her fist as though holding the dagger she had chosen. She tried to imagine a living person in front of her, then tried to imagine stabbing them in the chest. The effort bothered her. It’s just my imagination. Just stab it. She stopped. It. She considered. She tried imagining again, and it was the silver Ronan'el woman with the greatclub. Just stab her. She imagined lunging and slicing into the Ronan'el’s neck.
“Mrrrrooooooooooooow.”
Asp snapped out of her daze. Rose was headbutting her leg.
“Somebody wants attention,” Asp said, kneeling to the floor and petting Rose. She was happy for the distraction. The dagger, which Asp had fastened under her skirt, fell from her leg to rest on the floor. The resulting thud sent Rose skittering.
They scare me too, baby.
-
Asp walked out into the afternoon sun dressed as Delia. On the middle day of the week, Asp always patrolled the city as Delia, making a show of looking for stories. Today, she planned to make appearances in the city square and in the dwarven quarter, and she intended to visit each of the slums for at least a while. She made a beeline for the city square.
“Excuse me, miss,” she said to a dwarven woman at the gates, “where are you arriving from?”
The tall dwarven woman stepped across the threshold of the gates. “The coast,” she said, basking in triumph. “The last ship from the Myriad came in with my goods,” she added, waving over the cart behind her.
“Did any news come with it?” asked Delia.
“Only that the east harbor is still closed, so this had to come from Southmoor,” said the dwarf with dissatisfaction. “They act like you get the same goods from humans as dwarves!”
Delia scribbled in her notebook. “Anything else?”
“No deary, I’m afraid that’s all. Good day,” she said, pulling her cart into the city.
Asp scribbled a few more notes on her pad and approached the next traveler. “Excuse me, sir, where are you arriving from?” she asked.
“Just down the road,” said the human man. “Coming to town for supplies for my farm. We were running low after the lack of rain this season. Things are tough for a farmer when the weather won’t cooperate. So we’re fighting back by improving our irrigation.”
Isn’t it amazing what people will share? I say, “Where are you arriving from?” and they hear, “Tell me everything.” It’s like they don’t realize you can live entirely off information.
“Good luck here in the city,” chirped Delia. “Have a nice day!”
She paced the gate a few times and saw no travelers for a ways. She turned and skirted around the square, looking for anything out of the ordinary. Big shipment of stuff from Southmoor explains all the barrels and crates coming into town, she thought as she glanced around the square. Normal guard presence. Nothing weird. She shrugged and headed for the dwarven quarter.
“Traditional dwarven cooking!” called a voice from the marketplace. “Recipes from Old Myriad! Herbs you haven’t tasted since you were back home!”
Asp wandered through the colorful marketplace and surveyed the faces of the crowd. People scrutinizing purchases, hawking their wares, laughing together. The common sights of the city, all laid out in a scene that Asp watched but did not participate in.
“Hey, Delia!” came a voice.
She turned. “Oh, hey, Mr. Bronzecask!” she said to the elderly dwarf who owned the voice.
“Any news to report today?” he inquired, puffing his pipe.
“Nothing much yet,” said Delia, stepping over to the dwarf and speaking with warmth. “There’s a shipment come in from Southmoor, lots of new goods entering town.”
“That’s good,” replied Bronzecask. “You let us know if you find out anything else.”
“You know I will!” said Delia. “I’ll turn something up, and you’ll see it in my bulletin.”
“I look forward to reading it. Good day, Delia!” he said, waving.
“Delia?” said a woman behind her. Asp turned. It was Wanda.
“Wanda?” Asp managed to say. She was in shock.
“Delia, I can’t believe it,” said Wanda, her face blank. “I didn’t think I’d run into you again. It’s been years.”
Asp struggled to read the situation. What’s her game? Why is she here?
“Yeah, it’s been forever,” said Asp. “You look well.”
Wanda’s eye twitched for a moment. “Do I?” She smiled. “Thank you. You do too.”
Asp felt as though she couldn’t breathe. Something about Wanda’s facial expression kept her from catching her breath.
“I think I owe you an apology,” said Asp, bowing her head. If things are as bad as they feel, this might be the only thing that will work. Hold it together now. “You were very good to me, and I was very bad to you. And of course you didn’t deserve that.”
“Delia, what are you talking about?” asked Wanda. “You have some really unfortunate views on people, but I’m not hurt. I’m quite fine, in fact.” She posed for Asp, smiling wide. “See?”
“I do. What brings you from Hammergrad?”
“Personal business,” said Wanda at a whisper. Her eyes seemed furtive, dangerous.
I can’t press her on that. Not when she’s looking at me like that.
“Oh, hey baby,” said a slightkin woman who looked strikingly like Delia, wrapping an arm around Wanda. “Who’s your friend?”
“Oh, this is Delia Violet,” said Wanda, gesturing to Asp.
“Hi, Delia,” said the slightkin. “I’m Marina.”
“Nice to meet you, Marina. What brings you two to town?” Asp asked.
“Business,” said Marina, looking to Wanda.
“Personal business,” corrected Wanda, looking sourly at Asp. “As I just said.”
“Oh, that’s right,” said Asp, slapping her forehead. “I was just so surprised to see you, I blanked. Sorry about that–I’m sure that seemed rude.”
“Not to worry,” chirped Marina. “We all forget things sometimes, and sometimes we forget all things. Or is that how that saying goes? I can’t remember.”
Asp and Wanda both laughed.
“You’re so funny,” said Wanda, her hand on Marina’s shoulder. “And that’s why you’re irreplaceable.” She stared at Delia.
“I should leave you to your day,” said Delia, adopting a polite smile. “So nice to meet you,” she said to Marina. “And lovely to see you again,” she said to Wanda. She grinned as best she could and turned, struggling to not run. She rounded a corner and stopped, slumping against the wall. She peeked back around the corner to watch Wanda, but she and Marina were already gone by the time Asp looked.
Shake it off. You’ve got to keep up appearances around the city. Get to the slums. Asp breathed deeply a few times, then headed off.
At the slums, she found no news, and she wasn’t sure whether that was because it was a quiet day in Strey or because she was too distracted, wondering what “personal business” Wanda had here.
-
“You’re a fast learner,” said Kyrn, a focused smile on her face.
Asp grabbed the handle of her dagger and pulled. It dislodged from the barrel she had stabbed. She looked at Kyrn.
“That makes me uncomfortable,” said Asp. She looked down at the floor.
Kyrn patted her on the shoulder. “For one so bold, you’re quite meek around these things. But don’t worry. There’s only two kinds of people when it comes to using weapons.”
Asp reset her position and thrust again with her dagger, striking the barrel in the same place. “And they are?”
Kyrn flicked out her tongue. “When you first hurt someone bad, you either realize you can never do it again unless you have to, or you realize you won’t feel peace until you do it again. And you don’t strike me as the second kind.”
Asp murmured to herself, “But what about Candace?”
“What was that?” asked Kyrn.
“Oh, nothing,” said Asp quickly, retrieving the dagger and resetting. “Just mumbling.”
“I thought I heard ‘Candace’ in there.” Kyrn’s voice was cloying.
Asp slumped her shoulders. “I don’t like to think about her, you know–” she thrust again, hitting just next to the previous spot.
“Having killed a bunch of people?” asked Kyrn.
“A bunch?” repeated Asp, incredulous. “It’s a bunch now?”
Kyrn closed her mouth. “I dunno, I guess not a bunch.”
Asp dropped the dagger. “I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me.”
Kyrn looked with pity at Asp. “You really feel like that about us? Those of us who have had to protect ourselves?”
“It’s not like that,” protested Asp. “I don’t judge you. I just–it’s killing someone! It’s not nothing. I’m not saying it makes you a bad person, but it does prove that you know what you were talking about–you know if you hate it or love it. And I don’t wanna know that about myself, and I don’t wanna know that about the people I trust.”
“You’re afraid you’ll like it,” said Kyrn as though she had figured Asp entirely out. “That’s where all this comes from. You don’t trust yourself.”
I survive by lying–would you trust me? Asp thought. “I’m not gonna say you’re wrong. ‘Cause I don’t know. I just know that a dagger as a dagger is fine, but a dagger as a way to end a life is something I’m not ready for.”
Kyrn looked Asp in the eyes. “You’ve always gotten by with either success or running away, right?”
Asp nodded. “Mostly success,” she added.
Kyrn rolled her eyes. “You ever get cornered? Well and truly cornered?”
Asp felt the branches of the bush above her, Iris in hand, the girl next to her. The sound of the girl’s voice, demanding Iris. A knife in Asp’s hand. Could I have kept Iris if I had been armed?
“Yeah,” said Asp, remembering.
“No, you weren’t,” said Kyrn, and Asp felt like she’d been slapped. Kyrn raised her eyebrows and went on. “Because the only way out of being well and truly cornered is leaving a trail of blood behind. Now, again, but slash. Imagine you’re going for someone’s throat. We’ll go over how to get up to people’s upper halves after you can show me five good slashes in a row.”
Asp tried a few slashes, adjusting under Kyrn’s tutelage. Her mind kept straying to Candace. A bunch? How much is a bunch?
-
“Ooh, or maybe that newtkin place with the fritters?” suggested Candace. “We haven’t been there for a while.”
“That’s true. I could go for a fritter,” said Asp, squeezing Candace’s hand.
The two were walking down the street in the mid-evening. The air was lovely, and Asp had managed to calm herself about Candace’s past. She accepted me, lies and all, she had thought, so I can accept her for dealing with a bad situation. It was a struggle to accept it fully, but her mind was at least quiet for now.
“Let’s do it,” said Candace, turning left at the intersection. She laughed and pointed. “Hey, she looks a lot like you,” she said, entertained.
Asp looked over. On the other side of the street and several paces ahead were Wanda and Marina. “Shit, Candy, that’s Wanda, from back when I first started.”
“The teapot,” said Candace, her body stiffened. “What’s she doing back in town? I thought you ran her off.”
“I thought so too.” Asp looked up at Candace. “Can we delay dinner a minute? I really want to follow them. I saw her earlier, and she was acting kinda off. Something feels weird about her being back.”
“Let’s do it,” said Candace. “Here, get on my other side so they can’t see you.”
Asp crossed over, then peeked around Candace. They trailed the couple for a few blocks. Wanda turned down a path, Marina clinging close behind. Asp and Candace followed for another block. Wanda and Marina took another turn.
“Hey Asp?” said Candace, her voice tight. “Does it seem to you like we’re walking to the guardhouse?”
Asp exhaled heavily. “It does.”
“Can you distract them? Focus on the one who looks like you.” Candace was watching Wanda like a hunter watches prey..
“You think she’s back to inform on us?” asked Asp.
“Not on us, honey,” said Candace, her eyes stuck on Wanda. “On you.”
Asp shivered. Wanda only knows me. I have to change her mind. “I’ll distract them,” she said, trying to focus on talking Wanda out of whatever she was up to. “I’ll talk her into stopping.”
“Go now,” said Candace, all business. “Get their backs close to that alleyway,” she added, pointing just ahead of the couple.
Asp ran ahead and shouted, “Hey, Wanda! Marina! Hey, there you are!” She wheeled a bit to the side, then pressed in close, shepherding them into the alleyway.
“Oh!” said Wanda, clearly in a panic. “You–you’re back,” she said, nervous. “We were just, um, checking out this part of town.”
Asp flashed a dangerous smile. “The part of town that has the guardhouse in it?”
Wanda took a step backwards into the alley. Her eyes flashed in anger. “It never sat right with me, what you asked me to do,” she said, ire rising in her voice. “I don’t know that man you had me lock up, and I don’t know if he deserved to be locked up, but it wasn’t right for us to decide. And I didn’t even think about what I helped that other one get away with. What kind of terrible things is he out doing because of me? I had to come back. I had to set this right. I had to–”
Wanda stopped talking and winced. “Ow,” she moaned. “What the hell?” She turned, and Asp saw a black dagger sticking out of Wanda’s back. Wanda fell to her knees. Candace stepped around her and grabbed Marina by the throat, pulling her into the alleyway. Candace plunged her second dagger into Marina’s tiny frame, then withdrew it and sliced along Wanda’s throat. Quickly, she pulled the bodies into the alleyway before finally pulling in a stunned Asp as well. Though it had been only five and a half seconds, Asp had felt them as a lifetime.
Asp looked down at Wanda and Marina’s motionless frames. “You killed them?” she asked, her voice hollow in her own ears.
“We both know this was the only way.” Candace placed a heavy, bloodied hand on Asp’s shoulder. “They were going to destroy you.”
Asp looked from the corpses to Candace and back again. “They’re dead,” she said as if it were up to debate.
Candace’s eyes softened. “Awww, honey, you’re in shock. Let’s go.” Candace knelt and scooped Asp up, dashing out of the alleyway and back towards the estate.
As Candace carried her, Asp felt herself crawling inside a part of her mind that she hadn’t thought about in a long, long time. There was a time when Asp was hungry and her parents couldn’t feed her and she couldn’t take care of herself yet–she was living in this time again, carried about by a loving force that does terrible harm.
“Thank you,” Asp said at some point on the journey. “Thank you for saving me.”
“Relax, honey,” said Candace sweetly, “It’s better you got yours out of the way now.”
“My what?” she mumbled.
“Your first brush with death.” Asp wheezed. “Now just relax. I’ve got you. Nobody can hurt you now.”
Asp grabbed onto Candace’s hands and found them sticky, and she tried not to cry when she realized she now had Wanda and Marina’s blood on her own hands.
You can read the next chapter here!
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