This short story takes place during Nobody Knows Me. You can read the first chapter of the novel here!
"That's not fair!" cried Annabel. "She only meant to help."
"Even so," said Oslo, pain in his voice, "the rules are here to protect us. Asp broke a rule, and she made us all vulnerable."
"But I didn't know it was a rule!" said Asp pointedly.
"Does that work with the guards?" asked Oslo sternly.
"Sometimes," muttered Asp.
"Really?" said Jehosaphat. "You got out of trouble before with an 'I didn't know any better?'"
Asp beamed through her sourness. "More or less," she said. "They let me go."
"Not the point," said Oslo. "You made us unsafe."
"Is it 'us' you're worried about?" demanded Asp. "I think you mean, 'I made you unsafe.'"
"Same thing," said Oslo. "Besides, whatever backwater you pulled your ignorance of the law stunt is not Strey. That won't fly here. We have to hold ourselves to a guard-level of caution."
"But we're not guards," said Annabel, clear frustration in her voice. "It shouldn't matter what guards do."
Asp looked appreciatively at Annabel. Sometimes it seemed strange that someone with as strong a sense of justice would end up in a gang, but instead of questioning it, she tried to just appreciate Annabel for who she was.
"You have no horse in this race," said Oslo to Annabel. "Pipe down."
"We all have a horse in this race," said Annabel in a shaking voice--anger rather than fear. "You treat her like this, and who's to step in when you do the same to us?"
Oslo sneered and began to open his mouth to speak. Then he stopped short and looked back at Annabel calmly. "Fine," he said plainly. "You all want to make me out to be the bad guy, fine. But don't you forget how it works around here. You want me to be the villain, fine, but I'm the villain who makes sure you have food to eat and a roof over your heads. So fine, go out and threaten our livelihood, but remember that I can't just keep putting it all back together for you." With that, Oslo scooped up a stack of papers on the table and left.
"Wow," said Asp, exhaustion in her voice. "Thanks, Annabel."
Annabel let out a long, low breath. "I don't know what got into me."
"A sense of right and wrong?" offered Jehosaphat.
"Odd thing for someone like me," she replied. "Was I really being out of line with that?"
"No," said Asp quickly, "not at all."
Jehosaphat chuckled. "Oslo can be like the weather; predictable at times, and calm enough, or wild and stormy when you least expect it. Don't think you're clumsy because of the wind--you didn't lose balance on your own."
"Thanks, you two," said Annabel. "I think I could use some fresh air--what about you?"
"I don't have the energy to leave this chair," said Jehosaphat. "Fortunately, the chair doesn't seem to mind." He patted the arm of the chair softly.
"I could use some air, too," said Asp. "Maybe it'll get the accusations dislodged from my head."
"Ah, two innocent young women threatened by a world too hard for them," said Jehosaphat.
"Who you calling innocent?" said Asp.
"And the world's too hard for who now?" added Annabel, placing a broad hand firmly on the haft of her hammeraxe.
"Good point," said Jehosaphat, holding his hands in front of him. "Two young women out to teach the world a lesson."
"Much better," said Annabel.
"Yeah, let's go teach the world about manners--maybe it'll get back to Oslo," said Asp. And she and Annabel strode out of the estate and into the city.
---
Annabel and Asp wandered the city. They had chattered about the various sights and sounds with the energy of people trying to ignore something else--Asp suspected neither of them felt quite right after the blow-up with Oslo. A parade surprised both of them as they came around a corner and were forced to stop as dozens of white-and-blue-clad people marched in two lines. As they marched, they chanted, "Not here, not there, not anywhere." Their chant was clearly well-rehearsed; their steps fell dramatically on the last syllable of each phrase.
"Not them again," said Annabel under her breath.
"Who are they?" asked Asp.
"Dissidents, they call themselves. Extremists is what they are," said Annabel quietly. "They want to reorganize the city along racial lines."
Asp scanned the marching ranks. There were humans, dwarves, and elves among them. "No Ronan’el, or hiskin," she observed.
"They'd be forced out of the city," said Annabel. "Into camps. Prison camps, more like."
"But you would benefit?" asked Asp, her voice neutral. Always better to be emotionless when pointing out someone's privilege.
"I suppose so," said Annabel. "But if my benefit comes at the price of someone else's loss, it doesn't seem worth it."
"Isn't that, you know, what we do, though?" Asp tried again to deliver this softly.
"Oh, that," said Annabel. "That's different. I guess I mean, if my gain means someone with less than me loses, I don't want it. But I'll take from someone who's not going to miss it as much."
"You've been lucky, then," said Asp. "Some of us have had to take from whoever we can."
"That's not what I mean," said Annabel. "I mean, like, let's say you felt like you had to take from someone who didn't have enough to not hurt for it. Weren't you hurting more to need to take from them?"
"Hmmm . . ." said Asp. "I guess so? What I mean is, isn't all taking the same? If I steal a helm, does it really matter who it came from?"
"It matters to the person it came from," said Annabel, laughing slightly. "It makes a world of difference to them."
"But if we really cared about the people we steal from," said Asp, "wouldn't we stop altogether?"
Annabel smiled gently to herself, then met Asp's eyes. "You use different skills to steal than I do, than Dancer does, than any of the rest of us do. Maybe you take from whoever you like, but you don't have to. I don't. I only do what sits right with me. Remember at the beginning of your time, you wanted to do the museum thing your own way?"
Asp nodded, her brows already furrowed.
"You can do that. When Oslo gives you a mark, you decide how you approach it. So approach it in the way that feels right." Annabel was once again watching the parade. "They're doing it," she added. "Why not us?"
Asp considered this and nodded. "Why not us," she said quietly, watching the marching townsfolk demonstrate through the street.
---
"Thank you," said Annabel graciously as she passed a few coins to the street vendor. She took the ear of corn on a stick and admired the colors of the spices on the kernels. "Classic Strey delicacy," she said before taking a huge bite from the side of the ear.
"A little too much flavor," said Asp, watching in shock as Annabel ate around the corncob. "It's like licking a spice rack."
"Oh poo," said Annabel with a mouthful of seasoned corn. "You just don't have a refined enough palate."
"Sure," said Asp. "It's definitely my failing for not enjoying food that radiates 80 different flavors."
"At least you can admit it," said Annabel with a smile.
Asp laughed. Annabel is such a mystery. The more I learn about her, the more it seems like she's a walking contradiction. And yet, her behavior is never a surprise. She's reliably kind and unselfish. Is that even possible for people like us? Am I even people like her?
"I always admit my failings," said Asp playfully.
"Oh yeah?" said Annabel, starting in on the other side of the corncob. "Is that why you talk so much about your time back in Eunax?"
Asp started. So much for "never a surprise." "I didn't make any mistakes back there," she said defiantly.
Annabel seemed to notice her response. "I'm sorry--I was trying to make a joke. I just assumed something caused you to leave for here."
Asp thought about it. She stared at the ground for a moment, then tiredly raised her face to Annabel's. "I'm sorry, actually," she said. "Something did make me run. I just . . . it makes me nervous to think about."
"But it's all behind you now," said Annabel gently. "Right? You're here and safe now."
"I guess," said Asp. "It's just--what makes me nervous is that somebody turned on me back there, and I was trusting less people with less information back then. And when you get turned on by somebody you trust, it's hard to trust somebody new."
"That's why you were so private at first," said Annabel knowingly. "You were afraid of us."
"Kind of," said Asp quickly. "I wasn't afraid of you; I just didn't know what to think."
"Well, you obviously don't trust us that much," said Annabel with some unconcealed hurt in her voice. "You've been here almost a year, and we still know basically nothing about you."
Asp looked back at Annabel with dead eyes. "You've never asked," she said. "I won't tell Oslo anything I haven't already, but if you asked, I would answer you."
Annabel showed the faintest of smiles. "So if I asked why you get nervous every time a middle-aged slightkin woman comes around . . . ?"
Asp froze. "I do?"
"Your breathing goes from regular to fast and tight almost right away," said Annabel. "You get turned in by somebody like that?"
"Yeah," said Asp. "Somebody like that."
"I'm sorry," said Annabel. "Getting turned in is rough business."
Asp forced herself to exhale at a normal pace. "It was my--it was my mom."
"Oh, Asp," said Annabel. "I shouldn't have asked."
"No, no," said Asp. "You wanted it, and I won't miss it. You were right to take it."
Annabel smiled lightly. "Well, if you need it back, I'm an expert at forgetting things."
---
The empty bottle clinked as it fell from Asp's hand onto the cobblestones underfoot. She and Annabel were sitting on a low wall in a modest neighborhood, staring up at the stars; they had drained three bottles of elven ale and were doubled over laughing.
"That tiny hat!" cried Asp drunkenly. "It made the whole outfit pop!"
"It went so well with those polka-dot overalls," added Annabel. "He was struttin' his stuff."
"Only in a Strey secondhand store can you find such fashion," said Asp, wrapping a new green silken sash around her waist.
"There, and in the blind ward at the hospital," said Annabel.
They laughed again, attracting looks from a group of passing Ronan’el. Seeing that they had been noticed made them laugh harder, Asp waving to the Ronan’el through tears.
"You feeling better about earlier?" asked Annabel when they had caught their breaths.
Asp shook herself off. "I was," she said. "Until you asked."
Annabel winced. "Sorry," she said. "You seemed to be doing pretty well."
"That's the thing," said Asp, trying to think soberly. "I am doing pretty well, but that asshole just gets into my head."
Annabel nodded gravely. "It took me almost two years to get used to him. The trick is, when he's messing with your head, you need to think, 'Does what he's saying change what I know?' Because usually, it doesn't. It's just something calculated to mess with you."
Asp considered this and cocked her head to the side. A moment later, she said, "You mean, like, just ignore what he's saying? If it doesn't add up?"
Annabel smiled. "Yeah, pretty much."
Asp frowned. "So, in other words, the opposite of a con?"
Annabel looked at Asp curiously, taking her eyes away from the night sky for a moment. "How do you mean?"
"Oh, it's kinda weird, actually," said Asp. "I mean, like, when you're conning someone, you tell them something that isn't true, and no matter what, you keep acting like it's true. So I guess I need to act like he's conning me. Like, no matter what he says, I only think about what is true. No matter what. Right?"
"Yeah, like that," said Annabel. "Because he is conning you, after all."
"Yeah," said Asp. "It's just weird to think about it from the other side."
"But it works," said Annabel sweetly.
Asp looked around the street in front of them and back up to the night sky. "Makes you feel kinda small, doesn't it?"
"Only if you let him," said Annabel playfully.
"That's not what I meant--" began Asp. Then she recognized the joke and laughed, patting Annabel on the back. "Only if you let him," she repeated, laughing.
---
Asp cautiously opened the door to the estate and ushered Annabel in. Asp had stopped drinking after the introduction of a gambit for dealing with Oslo; she intended to have her wits about her when she employed it. Annabel, however, had made up for Asp's lack of drinking, and she now needed to be led down the hall and onto the couch in the living room. Dancer was sitting in an armchair, practicing his lockpicking skills on a false padlock; Oslo sat smoking in another chair. He barely made a move to register that Annabel and Asp had entered the room, but Dancer greeted them and put the lock down.
"Good evening, ladies," he said. "I see you've been up to something fun."
"Dancer, why don't you take Annabel up to her room?" said Oslo forcefully.
Dancer flinched. "Uh, sure, boss," he said. "Come here, Annabel--let's get you upstairs." Dancer did his best to guide Annabel out of the room and up the stairs without getting stepped on.
Once they had hobbled out of the room, Oslo looked at Asp. "I believe we have unfinished business," he said finally.
"If you say so," said Asp innocently.
"Now," he said, cracking his knuckles, "I believe we left off around the part about your spreading information that could threaten the gang."
Asp felt herself start to get defensive, the anger rising in her, but she stopped. She thought of Annabel. Does what he's saying change what I know? She allowed herself a moment while Oslo glared at her. No, she decided. She looked back at his squarely. "Not exactly," she said. "I asked a guard about your guard alter ego to get important information. Last week, you said you had concerns you might be suspected for foulplay. I asked the biggest gossip on the guard about your guard persona, and he didn't know anything. Now, all that's happened is we know you're safe, and I have an established in with a chatty guard. How are we threatened?"
Oslo listened patiently. "You put guard interest on me. That's a rule you broke."
Asp raised a finger. "I asked about six guards. You were the fourth. There's no reason you would be considered a special interest. I feel like we're back in the classic scenario when you just don't like that I did something good without involving you."
"Involving me is a good idea," said Oslo sternly. "Not involving me is a bad idea."
"Was it a good idea to find out which guards we can blackmail? Or which might be inside men? Or create a line on good information?" Asp casually stood from the couch. "Answer me this, Oslo: can you name a single bad thing that happened from all of these benefits?"
"Not yet," said Oslo, "but that doesn't mean that we don't have consequences coming down the line."
"And we never know about those things. And we never will. I did a good thing for all of us, Oslo, and that includes you." Asp stretched as those she were tired despite the adrenaline pumping through her body. "I'm going to bed. When I see you tomorrow, I don't expect a thank you for what I've done, but I do expect this talk about punishments to have been put to rest. It's tiresome, it's a waste of time, and it's got to stop. Good night."
Asp turned and walked casually to the door, even pausing slightly at the doorway to see Oslo's face. He was open-mouthed, but he changed his face to a scowl when he noticed her looking at him. "Good night," he said feebly, unsure of himself.
Asp left the room smiling and climbed the stairs. She paused at Annabel's door, listening to her deeply breathing for a moment, and thought, Thanks, Annabel. It worked.
Asp tiptoed back down the hallway to her own room and settled in on her bed in her purple nightgown. Just as she was starting to relax, there was a light double-knock on the door, followed by the door popping slightly open to reveal Candace's smiling face.
"Hey, honey--how's it going?" Candace whispered.
"I just lectured Oslo into speechlessness," said Asp quietly. "Come on in," she added, patting a spot on the bed next to her.
"I must know about this immediately," said Candace, closing the door behind her and lying down. "What magic have you discovered?"
"Annabel taught me, actually," said Asp with a tired smile. "She had some advice on dealing with him."
"Gods bless Annabel, then," said Candace. "And how do you feel?"
Asp considered this for a moment and shook her head. "I feel the doubt he put in my head, but I also know that I was right when I stood up for myself. How is that possible?"
"How is shaming Oslo into silence possible?" countered Candace. "Maybe just be grateful it works."
"Yeah," said Asp thoughtfully. "Maybe that." She found herself lost in a series of swirling thoughts and grew quiet for a moment.
"Well, I missed you today," said Candace. "But I'm glad you had fun with Annabel."
"I missed you too, Candy," said Asp. "Hey, do you think I'm a secretive person?"
Candace tried to stifle a laugh with some success. "Do I think you are a secretive person?" She smiled back at Asp sweetly. "I mean, you share personal information only with some people after being seriously guilted into it. For which I am the mainly guilty party, I assume. Why?"
Asp blushed. "Annabel acted like I'm a big walking secret. Am I really that guarded?"
Candace offered an empathetic pained smile. "Honey, if you're worried about being guarded, you could be more open with people." She kissed Asp lightly on the cheek. "Like me, for instance."
"Why the hell am I so guarded, though? What am I afraid of?" Asp's voice was exasperated.
"Maybe you're afraid that people will judge you. Which means you either need to get more comfortable with your decisions, or start making other decisions." Candace smiled and rubbed Asp's back reassuringly.
Asp flung her arms around Candace's neck and hugged her. "But you'll be here no matter what I pick?"
Candace kissed Asp for a long moment, then pulled back and made eye contact. "No matter what, no matter what, no matter what."
You can read more short stories here!
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