You can read the previous chapter here!
“I’m afraid I haven’t seen anyone like that,” said a dwarf to Asp’s mother, his eyes distant. “Maybe you’ll have better luck in the Myriad.”
“Thank you,” said Asp’s mother, her voice hollow. “I hope so.”
Asp watched as her mother made her way between the last few passengers in the area and asked them the same thing–had they seen Heather Turnkey, a con artist? Or her diplomat or reporter personas? No one was able to help.
It’s a two day journey, Asp thought. I can lay low for two days. Even on the same damn boat as her.
Asp wandered away from the main deck of the ship and headed into the main chambers. There were more than fifty passengers seated and chatting, most of them watching with excitement as the ship moved into open sea. Asp noticed a mess hall along one side of the chamber and approached it. Her stomach growled loudly.
“Somebody’s hungry!” said the cook, a cheerful elf. “We’ve got some stew and some grilled fish.”
Asp eyed the stew pot. “Stew sounds good,” she said. “How much is a bowl?”
“Two caps,” replied the cook.
Asp looked at her remaining money. After buying that “ticket,” I can eat either today or tomorrow.
“Maybe later,” said Asp.
“I’ll cover it,” said Asp’s mother, stepping to the counter with a few caps. “Why don’t you sit with me while you eat?” she asked.
“Oh, I couldn’t,” said Asp in her deep voice–deeper than normal for Gilbert. Keep it together. “Thank you, though.”
“No,” insisted her mother, holding the caps out to the cook. “I mean it. Sit down with me.”
Asp turned and took the bowl of stew from the elf, who accepted the copper-dipped coins, then followed her mother to a table.
“Much obliged, ma’am,” said Asp.
“It’s nothing,” said her mother, distracted. “I’m Lily. Nice to meet you.”
“Gilbert,” said Asp. “Nice to meet you too.”
“Please, dig in,” said Lily, gesturing to the bowl of stew.
“Thank you,” said Asp, taking a hungry bite.
“You remind me of her,” said Lily, the ghost of a smile on her face. “You have her eyes.”
Asp froze mid-bite. You can con a stranger . . . but can you con your own mother?
“She was such a spirited girl,” Lily continued, her eyes far away. “Never could get her to listen.”
Asp stopped chewing to answer. “Sometimes, that’s just the way it is,” she said. “Kids have minds of their own.”
Lily looked sad. “They certainly do.”
Asp narrowed her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ve searched two continents, and I’m bound for a third, and I have no idea if I’ll ever find her. I have no idea if she’s even alive.” Lily spoke as if from under a great weight. “I just want to talk to her one more time.”
What could you possibly have to say at this point? Asp dipped her spoon another time. “What would you say to her?”
Lily sat up straight and began to talk, then stopped and stared off into the distance. “I thought I knew,” she said after a moment. “But now, when I think about really seeing her, my mind goes blank.”
“Hmm,” said Asp, mostly to herself. “Well, why don’t you pretend I’m your daughter? Tell me what you think you want to say.”
Lily considered. “If you were my Heather, I would say . . .” she looked off into the distance, then back at Asp. “I would say that it’s time.”
“Time?” repeated Asp. “Time for what?”
“Time to stop,” said Lily, her voice pained. “Time to let go of all these lies and all this hurt and start over.”
“Do you think she would listen?” asked Asp.
“I have no idea,” said Lily, turning away. “I don’t even know her anymore.” She choked back a sob, then burst into tears. “I’m so sorry,” she said, her breath heaving. “Please excuse me.” She got up and left the table, headed for the front of the ship.
Asp watched her leave and turned to finish her stew. That worked out.
-
Asp stood at the bow, looking out on the sea as the ship slid over the waves. Southmoor is human territory. I gotta update my work for humans. Probably better than trying to work around all those old dwarven traditions anyway–maybe it’s for the best we’re headed for Southmoor.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a flash in the back of her mind. Nicole. The bearded man. Her mother explaining that Nicole was in a better place. Knowing that wasn’t true. The tears that came. The times when she was afraid to go outside, and the times when she wasn’t allowed to. Her mother telling her to go make new friends like Nicole was replaceable.
“I’m so sorry,” said Lily from behind her. “It’s been years, but it doesn’t get any easier.”
“I wouldn’t imagine it does,” said Asp, frowning.
“It just doesn’t,” said Lily, her voice strained again. “I wish I could tell her about her father.”
My father? What about Dad?
“That he misses her too?” ventured Asp.
“No,” said Lily, shaking her head. “I’m afraid he passed away last year. It was his passing that made me leave Thistlewade.”
Oh. Too many thoughts, too many feelings to process swirled through Asp’s head. “I’m so sorry to hear that,” she said a moment later, her voice as natural as she could make it. “It sounds like your family has had some bad luck.”
Lily laughed bitterly. “Bad luck,” she repeated. “I don’t know what I did to displease the gods, but I’m dreadfully sorry.”
“You think you’ve displeased the gods?” asked Asp.
“My daughter brought shame on our family name, she skipped town when I tried to help her, and then her father couldn’t live with losing her completely,” said Lily, a touch of anger in her voice.
Tried to help? You reported me to the guards! You’re the reason he had to lose me! Asp tried to remain calm. “That sounds awful,” she said.
“It has been,” said Lily, almost unaware of Asp now. “They say a mother’s work is never done, but I don’t think they meant it like this.”
“How long have you been searching?” asked Asp.
“A year and a half, give or take,” said Lily, her eyes glazing over. “I sold the old house to finance everything.”
Asp thought of the stew in her stomach. The old house paid for that. “Wow,” said Asp, genuinely impressed. “You’re committed.”
“I just know it,” said Lily, as though this were a response to what Gilbert had said. “I just know if I can talk to her, I can set this right.”
“What will you do once we get to Southmoor?” asked Asp.
“The same thing I’ve done on Eunax and Strey,” said Lily. “I’ll talk to every person I meet and see if they know anything. I’m no detective, but I will find her if it’s possible.”
It may not be possible. At least, not the way you’re thinking about. “Well, I hope the first person you talk to off the boat knows something,” said Asp, her fingers crossed behind her back.
“Thanks, Gilbert,” said Lily, her eyes alight. “I’ll let you enjoy the sea. I just wanted to apologize for my outburst.”
Asp thought of her own episodes in the recent days, racked with sobs as often as she wasn’t. Guess it runs in the family.
-
Asp was standing several feet away from a well-dressed elven woman. She was focusing on the ebb and flow of waves, trying to time the dip of the ship with a tumbling motion–she was going to pickpocket the woman as the ship bobbed up with the waves. The ship rose quickly and gently fell. She prepared herself to dart forward. The ship pitched, rising.
“Gilbert, there you are!” called Lily.
Asp froze and turned to her mother. “Lily.” Did she see anything?
“I was thinking about what you asked, and I think you can help me,” cried Lily.
She did not. “I can?” asked Asp. “What can I do?”
Lily blushed. “Could you pretend to be my Heather so I can practice what I would say to her again?” She looked at Asp, something like hope in her eyes. “You were right–I think it might help me figure out what’s in my heart.”
“Uh, sure,” stammered Asp.
“Let’s sit down,” said Lily, guiding Asp to a table.
“So,” said Asp as they sat down, “what would you say to her?”
“I would say,” began Lily. She frowned, paused, and started over. “No, I would say . . .”
“Just look at me,” Asp commanded. “Pretend I’m her.”
“You really do have her eyes,” said Lily, a dopey smile spreading across her face.
“So then talk to me,” said Asp, assuming a slight smile in her voice.
“Okay,” began Lily. “I guess I would just say, ‘Look, Heather, you made your choices. And that’s okay. We all have to live with our choices.’” She brushed her windswept hair out of her face. “‘Your father and I wish–wished, I suppose–that you made different choices, but of course, none of that matters now. I just want you to change your ways.’”
“What has she done?” asked Asp.
Lily shook her head. “She lied. She stole. She ran from the law.” Her eyes looked distant. “We’re a simple family. We worked hard. It’s a shame on all of us that the Turnkey name doesn’t mean good, honest people anymore.”
Asp leaned across the table conspiratorially. “At least she hasn’t killed anyone,” she said, a knot in her throat. It was silent for a moment.
“If she’s killed someone,” said Lily at last, “I don’t know.” She sounded emotionless.
“You don’t know?” asked Asp.
“I don’t think I could forgive her,” mumbled Lily. “That’s just too much.”
Asp blinked repeatedly and looked down.
Lily leaned down to catch Asp’s gaze. “Gilbert?”
Asp met Lily’s eyes.
“Are you okay?” asked Lily.
“Fine,” said Gilbert. “Just thinking about it. Grisly stuff.” The bloody faces danced in Asp’s head once more.
“That kind of helped,” said Lily, her voice lighter. “I feel like I know what I might really say now.”
“Good,” said Asp, rubbing the back of her neck. Then, after a moment: “Lily, I am curious.”
Lily inclined her face. “About what?”
“You seem to be entirely upset with your daughter,” said Asp, gesturing with her hands. “You describe your pain and shame and struggle. If it’s so painful to deal with her memory, why do you keep trying to find her?”
Lily looked back at Asp like Gilbert had just screamed profanity in church. “You never give up on your family,” she said as if everyone were raised with this mindset.
Asp thought back to the moment that she had attacked Gunther, trying to save the gang.
“You’re right,” said Asp, her voice heavy. “You never give up on your family.”
-
Asp stood at the bow and watched as the sun rose over the sea. In the distance, she could see the looming shape of the island of the Myriad.
First to accomplish: get enough money to get a stable place. If I learned anything in Strey, it’s make sure you have a place you can rely on. So what’s the best bet for an apartment-sized score? Maybe I try the elven prisoner, but with a slightkin prisoner this time. Thistlewade’s further away than Afira now anyway.
“Good morning, Gilbert,” said Lily. She proffered a mug of steaming coffee.
“Good morning, Lily,” said Asp, taking the mug. “Thank you.”
“I’ve been all blabbermouth this trip,” said Lily. “What are your plans in the Myriad?”
Asp looked back to the distant island. “Starting over.”
“Oh,” said Lily, surprised. “Did something happen back in Strey?”
“Something like that,” said Asp, staring at the island. “There was a fire. I lost a lot of people close to me. I lost my business.”
“I’m so sorry,” said Lily, her hand over her mouth. “It sounds like you lost a lot.”
Even more than you took away from me, Asp thought. And I lost it all by myself. “These things happen,” she said.
“Even so,” said Lily, shaking her head, “losing everything is not nothing.”
“It sounds like you would know,” said Asp. She had meant her tone to be compassionate, but it had come out as something of a challenge.
Lily sat back as if yelled at. “I don’t mean to tell you your business,” she said, blinking.
“No,” said Asp. “I’m sorry. It’s just hard to accept it’s all gone now.”
“You know, Gilbert, you really do remind me of her,” said Lily, a sad smile on her face. “It’s not just the eyes. You stand the way she stands, and just now, your tone–it was like I was arguing with her all over again.”
Asp tried to not look anxious. “I’m sorry,” she swore. “That must be difficult for you.”
“It isn’t easy,” agreed Lily. “But I’m finding it easier to think about talking to her. You know, after all this time, I just assumed I would know what to say when the time was right. I didn’t realize until I spoke to you that I really didn’t. Thanks for letting me pretend I’m talking to her again.”
Asp considered, then patted her mother’s shoulder. “I don’t know about your daughter, Lily, but I think that you are going to be okay.”
Lily choked up. “Thanks, Gilbert.” She allowed a few tears to fall. “I appreciate you.”
“Not to worry,” replied Asp. “I’m sure you’ll find her soon.”
The ship was riding the final swells into the harbor’s gentler waters. The passengers of the ship had crowded into the bow area to watch the ship come in, and ropes were tossed from the dock to the shiphands, who fastened sound knots to secure the ship.
Asp and Lily stood at the back of the crowd.
“It’s been a good journey,” said Lily, breathing deeply.
For those of us who aren’t hiding from our mothers who are also on the ship. “It has,” lied Asp. She crossed her fingers behind her back. “I wish you all the luck in the world finding your daughter.”
Lily’s eyes lit up. “I got it!” she cried. “I know what I’ll say to Heather.”
Asp tried to stay calm. “What would you say?”
“I would say . . .” began Lily, “I would say that I only want one thing for her. I want her to recognize that she has done wrong, and I want her to be responsible.”
“Responsible?” asked Asp over the chatter of the docks.
Lily sighed, then smiled. “I want her to turn herself in. I want her to make things right.”
Asp froze. That’s what it would take?
“Well, good luck to you, Lily,” said Asp, her voice distant.
“And to you, Gilbert,” said Lily, offering a few caps. “Good luck with your new start.”
Asp took the caps and looked down at the copper-dipped coins in her hand, then back up at her mother as the woman disappeared off the boat and into the city. Asp pocketed the caps and left the boat, heading into the city.
Mom would want me to turn myself in. To make things right. Is that what it would take? Would that even fix things? She wandered, searching the signage of the city as she went. She really thinks I’d do that? Throw away my freedom over guilt? Is there any guilt bad enough to make someone do that?
She walked up and down streets, ignoring the people who she passed. The faces of everyone who walked past her was a familiar face anyway–Candace, Wanda, Nicole, the bearded man, Marina, even Asp’s own face. Something in her mind shifted. She examined the buildings she passed with renewed purpose.
Where is it? It’s usually on the main street. She scanned the city as she went, growing more and more frustrated. Unless they want to hide it, which I guess they might. Come on, come on–where are you?
Finally, she saw it: a squat brick building with a simple entrance, an unassuming sign above the door. She walked inside. There was a mustachioed copper Ronan'el sitting behind the counter.
“City prison, would you like to report a crime?” he asked.
“Hi, I’m Gilbert,” said Asp. “I’m wanted on two continents, and I thought I’d turn myself in.”
You can read the final chapter of Nobody Knows Me here!
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